Suits Jokes / Recent Jokes
Bubba didn't know what the sign in the store window meant when he concocted an idea.
The sign said "Suits $5. 00 each, Shirts $2. 00 each, Trousers $2. 50 per pair".
Bubba says to his pal, "Billy Ray, Look! We could buy a whole lot of those, and when we get back to Arkansas, we could make a fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do all the talking cause if they hear our accent, they might not be nice to us. I'll speak in my best Texas drawl."
They go in and Bubba says, "I'll take 50 suits at $5. 00 each, 100 shirts at $2. 00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at $2. 50 each. I'll back up my pickup and. ....."
The owner of the shop interrupts, "You're from Arkansas, aren't you?"
"Well... yes," says a surprised Bubba. "How come you know that?"
The owner says, "This is a dry cleaners."
Skirts are better ventillated, making you more comfortable, and possibly less prone to infertility and impotence.
No more caught zippers (or things caught painfully in zippers).
You have a better choice of colours, styles, and fabrics with skirts,
So much more convenient for making love in the open air
No more trousers getting caught in your bicycle chain; throw those trouser clips away!
No more white legs when you strip off to swim
You too can learn to double cross your legs like your wife or girlfriend; Give your boss something else to think about while he lectures you about your poor results.
Erections can be more easily disguised under the folds, and more easily acted upon when the moment is right.
You're a new man feminist? Great! then you'll WANT to identify with your female friends/partner(s); learn to share skirts with them; go on buying expeditions together; no need to stop at the door of the underwear department either!
Beat that prejudice more...
Santa and Banta are visting London for the first time. They see a sign reading, "Suits Pound 15, Shirts Pound 2, Trousers Pound 3."
"Wow," says Banta. "we should snap up some of these bargains and sell them at a profit when we get home."
Santa agrees and they go into the shop.
"Twenty suits, 50 shirts and 30 pairs of trousers, please," says Santa to the assitant behind the counter.
"You're not from around here, are you?" said the assistant.
"No," answered Banta. "How did you know?"
The assistant replies, "This is a dry cleaners."
************************* Chief Executive Officer Mattel, Inc. El Segundo, CADear Sir, Listen you little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here this year, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my 1997 resolution/wish list: 1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt? 2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite! 3. A REAL more...
Dear Santa:
Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here by next Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list for 1997: A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and Velcro crawling up your butt? Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite! A REAL man... maybe G. I. Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo over more...
Dear Santa:
Listen you ugly little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas
Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many
tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had
better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and
trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list for 1998:
Santa:
1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker.
How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels
like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to
cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like more...