Tea Jokes

Granny was in her eighties and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring and she welcomed him into her parlor. He took a seat while she prepared some tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom.
Imagine his shock and surprise! And curiosity! Surely, Miss Granny had flipped!! But he felt he couldn't mention the strange sight in her parlor.
When she returned with the tea and cookies they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and the floating item, but soon it got the better of him and he could resist no longer.

"Miss Granny," he said while pointing to the bowl, "I wonder if you could tell me about this?"
"Oh, yes", she replied, "Isn't it wonderful! I was walking down town last fall and I more...

This fellow who had spent his whole life in the desert comes to visit a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on.

While standing in the middle of the RR tracks one day, he hears this whistle -- Whooee da Whoee! -- but doesn't know what it is.

Predictably, he's hit -- but, only a glancing blow -- and is thrown, ass-over-tea-kettle, to the side of the tracks, with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.

After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party, one evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the tea kettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the tea kettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the desert man:' Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?'

The desert man replies:' Man, you gotta kill these things when more...

Four union members were discussing how smart their dogs were.

The first was a member of the Vehicle Builders Union who said that his dog could do maths calculations. His dog was named "T-Square" and he told him to go to the blackboard and draw a square, a circle and a triangle, which the dog did with cunsumate ease.

The Amalgamated Metal Workers Union member said he thought his dog was much better. His dog, named "Slide Rule", was told to fetch a dozen biscuits and divide them into four piles which Slide Rule did without problem.

The Liquor Trades members admitted that both were quite good but he felt his dog could out perform them. His dog named "Measure" was told to go and get a stubby of beer and pour seven ounces into a 10 ounce glass. The dog did this without a flaw.

They turned to the Waterside Workers Union member and said, "What can your dog do?"

The Waterside Worker called his dog, more...

At a resort, a guy walks up to an older fellow who is sitting in the sun, sipping iced tea.

Young guy says, "Hey, how about a round of golf?"

"Nah," the older fellow replies, "tried it once, didn''t like it."

"Well, how about a swim? It''ll be more refreshing that your iced tea there."

"Nah," the older fellow responds, "tried it once, didn''t like it."

"Young guy says, "Well, how about a game of tennis?"

"Naw, tried it once and didn''t like it. But my son will be here soon. He''s usually up for a game or two."

Young guy replies, "Your only child I presume?"

An old man turned 96 and was being interviewed by a reporter for the local paper. During the interview the reporter noticed that the yard was full of children of all ages playing together. A very pretty girl of about 19 served the old man and the reporter, keeping them in fresh tea and running errands for them.

"Are these your grandkids?" the reporter asked.

"Naw, sir, they all be my younguns," the old man replied with a sly grin.

"Your kids?" said the reporter. "What about this beautiful young lady who keeps bringing us tea? Is she one of your children too?"

"Naw, sir," said the old man. "She be my wife."

"Your wife?" said the surprised reporter. "But she can't be more than 19 years old."

"That's right," said the old man with pride.

"Well, surely you can't have a sex life with you being 96 and she being only more...