Suits Jokes / Recent Jokes

Barbie
c/o Mattel, Inc.
El Segundo, CA 90245
Santa Claus
North Pole, North Pole
December 23, 2004
Dear Santa:
Listen you ugly little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas
Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many
tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had
better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and
trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list for 2004:
Santa:
1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker.
How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels
like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What more...

Two orthodox Jews went to Pincus the tailor for new suits. "Listen, Pincus," one said, "the last suits you made for us were sort of gray. We want black suits, the darkest black cloth that we can get."
"See this cloth?" Pincus said, fingering a bolt of fabric. "This is the stuff they make nuns' habits from. There ain't no blacker cloth."
A few weeks later, the two men were walking down the street in their new suits when they passed two nuns. Impulsively, one of the men went up to the nuns and matched his suit against their habits. Becoming angry, he muttered something to his friend and they both walked off.
"What did that man want?" one nund asked the other.
"I don't know," the second replied. "He looked at my garment, said something in Latin and left."
"What did he say?"
"He said, 'Pinkus Fucktus.'"

One day 2 irish men were walking down the street when one of them noticed a sign sayin
"Shirts 4.99"
"Suits 7.99"
the first irish man thouht this was clearly a bargain and told his friend told his friend to go in and by 40 of each but to be careful not to let the the shop no he was irish as the shop would not serve him.
the second irish man went in and asked for 40 shirts and 40 suits, but to his suprise the man behind the counter replied
"your irish we dont serve the irish"
the irish man tried at his best to convince the man he was not irish but kept getting the same respose
"your irish we dont serve the irish"
the irish man gave up trying and began to walk out of the shop but as he reached the door he asked the man if he could at least answer his question and the man saw no harm and listened to his question
"how did you know i was irish" said the irish man
the man behind the counter kindly more...

Bubba didn't know what the sign in the store window meant when he concocted an idea.The sign said "Suits $5.00 each, Shirts $2.00 each, Trousers $2.50 per pair".Bubba says to his pal, "Billy Ray, Look! We could buy a whole lot of those, and when we get back to Arkansas, we could make a fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do all the talking cause if they hear our accent, they might not be nice to us. I'll speak in my best Texas drawl."They go in and Bubba says, "I'll take 50 suits at $5.00 each, 100 shirts at $2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at $2.50 each. I'll back up my pickup and... "The owner of the shop interrupts, "You're from Arkansas, aren't you?""Well...yes," says a surprised Bubba. "How come you know that?"The owner says, "This is a dry cleaners."

Dear Santa:
Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here by next Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list for 1997:
A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and Velcro crawling up your butt?
Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!
A REAL man... maybe G.I. Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me more...

Sven and Ole are visiting a relative in Texas. While walking along the street, they see a sign on a store front which reads:
Suits $5.00 each
Shirts $2.00 each
Trousers $2.50 per pair
Sven says to his pal, "Hey Ole! We could buy a whole lot of dem and ven ve get back to Minnesota, ve could sell them and make a fortune."
"Now ven ve go into the shop, yust let me do all da talkin' cause if dey hear your Minnesota accent dey might tink ve are dumb Norwegians and try ta raise da price. But, I can speak with a perfect Texas drawl."
They go in, and Sven drawls out an order of 50 suits at $5.00 each, 100 shirts at $2.00 each and 50 pair of trousers at $2.50 each.
The owner of the shop says "You're Norwegians from Minnesota, aren't you?"
"Uff Da!" Says a surprised Sven. "How'd you know dat?"
The owner says, "Because this is a dry-cleaners."

Dear Santa,
Listen you fat little troll, I’ve been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing
suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from too many tea parties. I hate to break it to you Santa, but it is DEFINITELY pay back
time!!

There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I’m gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you don’t want to be around to smell it!) So, here’s my holiday wish list for this year, Santa.
1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I’m sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are
these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro up your butt?
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to be cheap and mold imitation underwear to my skin? It looks like cellulite!!!
3. A REAL more...