Sunday Jokes / Recent Jokes

My uncle spent days looking for his new hat. Finally, he decided that he'd go to church on Sunday and sit at the back. During the service he would sneak out and grab a hat from the rack at the front door.

On Sunday, he went to church and sat at the back. The sermon was about the 10 Commandments. He sat through the whole sermon and instead of sneaking out he went to talk to the minister.

He said to the minister, "Father, I came here today to steal a hat to replace the one I lost. But after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I changed my mind."

The minister said, "Bless you my son. Was it when I started to preach thou shall not steal, that changed your heart?"

My uncle responded, "No, it was the one on adultery. When you started to preach on that, I remembered where I left my hat."

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. Murphy had never been seen in church in his life.
After Mass, the priest caught Murphy and said, "Murphy, I am so glad you decided to come to Mass, what made you come?"
Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while
back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat.
I know that Mc Glynn had a hat just like me hat, and I knew
that McGlynn come to church every Sunday.
I also knew that McGlynn had to take off his hat during
Mass and I figured he would leave it in the back of church.
So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."
The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that you didn't
steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"
Murphy said, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10
commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal
McGlynn's hat."
The priest gave more...

NEW YORK (AP)-Seventy-two percent of Americans who believe in
Heaven rate their chances of going there as good to excellent, but
many say their friends' chances are considerably worse, according to a
new poll.
A San Francisco man-wearing a full uniform and carrying a handgun
- impersonated a state fish and game warden for three months,
checking licenses, issuing citations and confiscating fish, officials
say. Brian Anthony Young told The Examiner that he posed as a game
warden out of "boredom and drugs." He said he inspected more than 200
fishermen, boats, restaurants and stores.
At an Oklahoma rally for Republican Senator Don Nickles, Reagan urged
his listeners to support the re-election of Don Rickles.
New Delhi, India (AP)-Police kept 3,000 residents of a southern
Indian village indoors Sunday and put up roadblocks to enforce a
government ban on nude worship of a Hindu deity.
The commission that banned the more...

One summer, a drought threatened the crop in a small town.
On a hot and dry Sunday, the village parson told his congregation, "There isn't anything that will save us except to pray for rain. Go home, pray, believe, and come back next Sunday ready to thank God for sending rain."
The people did as they were told and returned to church the following Sunday. But as soon as the parson saw them, he was furious...!
"We can't worship today. You do NOT yet believe," he said.
"But," they protested, "we prayed, and we do believe!"
"Believe???" he responded. "Then where are your umbrellas???"

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he
could hardly speak. After mass he asked the
monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about
getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka
next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I
take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignors advice. At
the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and
took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after mass, he found
the following note on the door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not
referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he more...

There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right.
The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.
An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing."
God nodded in agreement. The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was more...

The Reverand Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realising it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf.
So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to take the service for the day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about fifty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidently meet anyone from his Parish.
Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church! At about this time, St. Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed " You're not going to let him get away with this one are you?" The Lord sighed, and said "No I guess not."
Just then Father Norton hit the ball and shot it straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE! St. Peter was more...