Sunday Jokes / Recent Jokes
There was this case in the hospital`s Intensive care ward where patients always died in the same bed and on Sunday morning at 11 A. M., regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 AM.
A worldwide expert team was constituted and they decided to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 A. M., all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.
Some were holding prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil.
Just when the clock struck 11 Santa, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system & plugged in the vacuum cleaner.
15 actual announcements taken from church bulletins: 1. Don't let worry kill you- let the church help. 2. Thursday night- potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow. 3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. 4. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery upstairs. 5. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer. 6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. 7. Tuesday at 4: 00 p. m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early. 8. Wednesday, the ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor. 9. Thursday at 5: 00 p. m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study. 10. This being more...
A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong.The boy replied no, that he was going fishing but his dad told him that he needed to go to church.The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing?The boy replied, "Yes he did. Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us."
Preacher decides to skip Sunday services and go to the golf course to hit a few...
When he gets there, he discovers there isn't anybody else around, and he has the entire course to himself..
But he does have witnesses...Seems God and Jesus are keeping an eye on him, and they don't approve of his church hooky-playing..
"Look at that guy," Jesus says, "He should be in church instead of out there. C'mon, Dad, let me hit him with a lightning bolt or something."
"No," God says, "I've something else in mind for him. Watch what happens when he makes his next shot."
Guy sets up a ball, drives it off the tee-It sails 200 yards and lands squarely in the hole.
"What kind of punishment is that, Dad?!" Jesus yells, "That has to be one of the greatest golf shots in history!!"
"That's right, son, indeed it is....and because he's alone, he can't tell anyo
Two mexicans walk into a drug store (walgreens) and they are passing by the condoms section and one asked the other what this 6 pack of condoms was for and he says,"thats for us Mexicans" one for monday, one for tuesday, one for wednesday, one for thursday, one for friday, one for saturday, and never on sunday. He does the sign of the cross.Then there walking along again and then he sees an 8 pack and he asks him what that was for and he says thats for the black people " one for monday, one for tuesday, one for wednesday, one for thursday, one for friday, one for saturday, and twice on sunday.Then they walk along again and one mexican sees a 12 and aked what that was for and the mexican says thats for the white people one for january, one for february, one for march...
A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
Four men, well along in years, had played golf as a foursome every Sunday morning, until one of them passed away. The other three asked the club pro if he could find them a compatible gentleman to fill out the foursome again. "No problem," answered the pro.
"But, you have to understand," one of the guys, named George, explained, "that Moe, who died, was like our eyes. We're all getting some cataracts, and have trouble seeing the ball. Moe's eyesight was perfect, and he was our spotter."
The pro promised to see what he could do, and, when the others returned the following Sunday, he introduced them to a truly ancient looking gentleman, named Gary.
"How old are you?" George asked.
"I'm ninety-four," Gary responded.
"Fabulous," said George. "But how's your eyesight?"
At this, Gary blew up. "Don't insult my eyes," he yelled. "I may be old, but I've got 20-20 vision. I have eyes more...