Sunday Jokes / Recent Jokes

This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service
bloopers:
* Our next song is ''Angels We Have Heard Get High''.
* Don't let worry kill you-let the church help.
* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
* For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
* Weight Watchers will meet a 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
* Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!
* The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
* This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
* Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
* This being more...

Dear GOD,
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't you just keep the ones you have? -Billy

Dear GOD,
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. -Larry

Dear GOD,
If You watch me in church on Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes. -Love Mickey

Dear GOD,
I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. -Nan

Dear GOD,
In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation? -Jane

Dear GOD,
I read the Bible. What does "begat" mean? Nobody will tell me. -Love, Alison

Dear GOD,
Are You really invisible or is it just a trick? -Lucy

Dear GOD,
Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house? -Anita

Dear GOD,
Did You mean for the more...

This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers:
Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High".
Don't let worry kill you-let the church help.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Weight Watchers will meet a 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!
The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
This being Easter Sunday, we more...

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So.... he told the associate pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the associate pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church! At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?" The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not." Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE! Saint Peter was more...

George spent every Sunday playing cricket. It finally got too much for his wife, who exploded,' Cricket! All you ever think about is cricket! I think I'd drop dead if you stayed home on Sunday!'

'Now then, dear,' said George.' It's no use trying to bribe me.'

Just a little "back to school" humor!
> These are actual excuse notes from parents (including original
> spelling) collected by Nisheeth Parekh, University of Texas
> Medical Branch @ Galveston...
>
> My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P. E. today.
> Please execute him.
>
> Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had
> her shot.
>
> Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28,
> 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
>
> Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
>
> Please excuse Roland from P. E. for a few days. Yesterday he
> fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
>
> John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of
> his face.
>
> Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football.
> He was hurt in the growing part.
>
> Megan could not come to school today because she has more...

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments
with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to
"Honor thy Father and thy Mother," she asked, "is there a
commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family)
answered,"Thou shall not kill."