"Back to Schol Humour" joke

Just a little "back to school" humor!
> These are actual excuse notes from parents (including original
> spelling) collected by Nisheeth Parekh, University of Texas
> Medical Branch @ Galveston...
>
> My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P. E. today.
> Please execute him.
>
> Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had
> her shot.
>
> Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28,
> 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
>
> Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
>
> Please excuse Roland from P. E. for a few days. Yesterday he
> fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
>
> John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of
> his face.
>
> Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football.
> He was hurt in the growing part.
>
> Megan could not come to school today because she has been
> bothered by very close veins.
>
> Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
>
> Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose
> vowels.
>
> [words in "( )"s were crossed out]: Please excuse Pedro
> from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea)
> (direathe) the shits.
>
> Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had
> diarrhea and his boots leak.
>
> Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
>
> Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
>
> I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping
> because I don't know what size she wear.
>
> Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We
> forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and
> when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
>
> Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend
> her funeral.
>
> My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She
> spent a weekend with the Marines.
>
> Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold
> and could not breed well.
>
> Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed
> with gramps.
>
> Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
>
> Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
>
> Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever,
> sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister
> was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a
> low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best
> either, sore throat and fever. There must be something
> going around, her father even got hot last night.