Super Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man was in his 50 yard line seat at the Super Bowl when another man came over to him and asked if anyone was sitting in the seat beside him.
"No, it's empty," the first man replied.
"Incredible!", the second man said, "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl and not make use of it?"
"Actually, the seat belongs to me," replied the man. "My wife was supposed to be here with me, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't attended together in our 25 years of marriage."
"I'm sorry to hear that. How very sad. Could you not find someone else to take the seat? Perhaps a friend or relative?" the second man asked.
"No, they're all at the funeral."
Detroit - With third-quarter sales sluggish and its share of the domestic market down 11 percent
since 1993, General Motors unveiled a new instant win airbag contest January 1st. The new airbags,
which award fabulous prizes upon violent high-speed impact, will come standard in all the company's
1998 cars.
"Auto accidents have never been so exciting!" said GM vice-president of marketing Roger Jenkins, who
expects the contest to boost 1998 sales significantly. "When you play the new GM Instant Win Airbag
Game, your next fatal collision could mean a trip for two to Super Bowl XXXII or a year's worth of
free Mobil gasoline."
Although it did not officially begin until January 1st, 1998, the airbag promotion has already been
tested in select cities, with feedback overwhelmingly positive.
"As soon as my car started to skid out of control, I thought to myself,' Oh boy, this is it - I could
be a big winner!'" more...
A guy receives a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company. Unfortunately, when he arrives at the stadium, he realizes the seat is in the upper corner of the stadium; he's closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter he sees through his binoculars an empty seat 10 rows off the field, right on the 50 yard line. He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat.
As he sits down he ask the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" The man says no. Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, he again inquires of the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Super Bowl and not use it?!"
The man replies, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was suppose to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been together more...
A superintendent of a large, snooty apartment building got the ultimate revenge when he was called for the umpteenth time to fix a tenant's clogged toilet.
Going to her apartment, where the female tenant happened to be giving a fancy dinner party for other tenants in the building, the super had to endure her telling all the assembled guests that he was a complete incompetent idiot. Furthermore, she got them all to go to the bathroom door to watch his clumsiness.
He didn't say anything, but merely concentrated on fixing the toilet, while she kept on complaining about the bad service. So busy was she complaining, that no one noticed when the super reached quickly into his tool bag....
A minute later, he held something up triumphantly and told her and the assembled guests: "I've found what was clogging your toilet!" All the guests broke into shocked laughter, and the woman turned a bright beet red.
The super was holding up a large more...
Read today in the newspaper that the creators of Superman were Jewish and intended the superhero to be Jewish. Now, let's see: He's always disappearing from work, he wears loud colors, and he's a SUPER man. I'm thinking gay Puerto Rican.
Coach Bobby Ross had put together the perfect Lions team for' 99. The only thing he was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, but he couldn't find a ringer quarterback that would ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night, watching CNN, he saw a war zone scene in Bosnia. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Bosnian soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand grenade straight into a 15th story window a good 200 yards away - ka-boom! He threw another hand grenade into a group of about 10 soldiers over 100 yards away - ka-blooey! Then a car passes, going around 90 miles per hour - bulls-eye! Right into it.
"I've got to get this guy", Ross said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football and the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl for the first time in history. The young Bosnian is lionized as the Great Hero of more...
During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.
At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.
The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?"
"I did," said the centipede.
"Who stopped the rhino?"
"Uh, that was me too," said the centipede.
"And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?"
"Well, that was me as well," said the centipede.
"So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach.
"Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles more...