Super Jokes / Recent Jokes

DETROIT--With third-quarter sales sluggish and its share of the domestic market down percent since 1993, General Motors unveiled a new instant-win airbag contest Monday.

The new airbags, which award fabulous prizes upon violent, high-speed impact with another car or stationary object, will come standard in all of the company's cars next year.

"Auto accidents have never been so exciting," said GM vice-president of marketing Roger Jenkins, who expects the contest to boost sales significantly. "When you play the new GM Instant Win Airbag Game, your next fatal collision could mean a trip for two to Super Bowl or a year's worth of free Mobil gasoline."

Though it does not officially begin until January, the airbag promotion is already being tested in select cities, with feedback overwhelmingly positive.

"As soon as my car started to skid out of control, I thought to myself,' Oh, boy, this could be it--I could be a big more...

A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl.
As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.
“No, ” he says, “The seat is empty. ”
“This is incredible, ” said the man.
“Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it? ”
He says, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super bowl we haven’t been to
together since we got married in 1967. ”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. That’s terrible. But couldn’t you find someone else - a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat? ”
The man shakes his head.
“No, they’re all at the funeral. ”

In a nursing home, there is this old woman named Gladys who likes to walk around and flash people. She walks up to a nun, opens her robe and yells "Super Pussy!" The nun says, "Gladys, you know you're not supposed to do that. Now go back to your room. Gladys starts walking back and sees the minister. She walks up to him, opens her robe and yells "Super Pussy!" The minister is shocked and tells her to go back to her room. As she continues, she sees an old man lying on the bed. She walks in, flashes him, and yells "Super Pussy!" The man slowly turns his head and says, "Thanks, I think I'll have the soup."

Las Vegas has already released the odds on who will win next season's Super Bowl. The Detroit Lions are listed at 100/1, just behind Tampa Bay, Oakland and you.

The Detroit Red Wings are back in the Stanley Cup Finals. When asked what they thought of being in the Super Bowl of hockey, all of Detroit responded, "What's the Super Bowl?"

there were these 3 guys. and they were stranded in the desert.
they were pretty deperete, so they started digging 4 food.
they came across a magic lamp. they rubbed the lamp, and a
genie popped out. he said,"i will give you each 1 wish."
so the first guy said," i'm pretty hungry, i'll have
an extra value meal from McDonolds. super sized please."
the genie snapped his fingers and the guy walked away
happy. the second guy said,"i'm thirsty. i'll have
a super sized coke please." the genie snapped
his fingers, and the guy walked away happy. the third
guy said,"i'd like a car door please."
"why", asked the genie. "just because.""ok" so the
genie snapped his fingers, and he got it. a few hours
later, the other guys go up to him and asked,"why
did you want a car door?" he said,"so when it gets hot
i can roll the window down."

A man receives a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company. Unfortunately, when he arrives at
the stadium, he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium---he's closer to
the Goodyear blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter, he notices an empty seat
10 rows off the field, right on the 50-yard line. He decides to take a chance and makes his way
through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sits down, he asks the
gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?"
The man replies, "No." Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, he says to the man,
"This is incredible, who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl and not
use it?"
The man replies, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but
she passed away. This is the first Super more...