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You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two"
You've ever referred to someone as "my poor working class friend"
You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to social security.
You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.
You think Huey Newton is a cookie.
The only union you support is the AFL Players, because heck, they're richer than you.
You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.
You've ever referred to the moral fibre of something.
You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches."
You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school."
You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie."
You answer to "The Man."
You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders more...

This article is from the Wall Street Journal, Tuesday, March 1, 1994: Befuddled PC Users Flood Help Llines, and No Qquestion Seems To Be Too Basic

AUSTIN, Texas - The exasperated help-line caller said she couldn't get her new Dell computer to turn on. Jay Ablinger, a Dell Computer Corp. technician, made sure the computer was plugged in and then asked the woman what happened when she pushed the power button.

"I've pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens," the woman replied. "Foot pedal?" the technician asked. "Yes," the woman said, "this little white foot pedal with the on switch." The "foot pedal," it turned out, was the computer's mouse, a hand-operated device that helps to control the computer's operation.

Personal-computer makers are discovering that it's still a low-tech world out there. While they are finally having great success selling PCs to households, they now have to deal more...

An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn''t get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on the foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer''s mouse.

David purchased a new computer and ran into difficulties setting it up, so he called the customer support phone number listed in the manual.
He explained the problem to the customer support guy who immediately began to rattle off computer jargon, which only added to David's confusion.
"Excuse me, sir," David said, politely, "but could you explain what I should do as if I were a small child?"
"Sure, no problem," replied the customer support guy. "Young man, could you please put your mommy or daddy on the phone?"

"'Tis the night before Christmas," I thought with a frown.
I was stuck at the office. The network was down.
The routers were hung in the closet. All crashed.
Their tables had holes in their data. All trashed.
Remote distribution, it seems, just for fun,
Had erased DLLs Windows needed to run
On 84 desktops way down in accounting.
I sat stunned at my desk, my blood pressure mounting.
When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter,
I saw that a server had something the matter.
There was smoke coming out of the main hard disk drive.
"No problem," I thought. "I'm set up with RAID 5."
But I found out the system I thought was unstoppable
Had disk drives that turned out completely unswappable!
"No problem," I thought. "I've tape backup to thank."
And then I discovered my backups were blank.
The UPS burped, and its lights all went out.
I started to scream! I more...

When you call us to have your computer moved be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards baby pictures stuffed animals dried flowers bowling trophies and childrens art. We dont have a life and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

Dont write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.

When an I. T. person says he is coming right over go for coffee. That way you wont be there when we need your password. Its nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords.

When you call the help desk state what you want not whats keeping you from getting it. We dont need to know that you cant get into your mail because your computer wont power on at all.

When I. T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance delete it at once. We are just testing.

When an I. T. person is eating lunch at his desk walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to more...

Her husband has been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. When I think about it now, I think you bring me bad luck!"