Suppose Jokes / Recent Jokes

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

There was a blonde trying to figure a jig saw puzzle. And she was gitting so mad and agry! So finally she called her boyfriend. And said hi can you come down her and help me on a jig saw puzzle? And so he came down and was staring at it for a couple of seconds and asked what was it suppose to be??? And she said it is suppose to be a tigar. And he said well what I think you should do is to have a cup of coffee, take a break and put the frosted flakes back in the box!

"Honey, if I died, would you remarry?" a wife asked her husband.
"After a considerable period of grieving, I suppose I would," replied the husband. "We do all need companionship."
"If I died and you remarried, would she live in this house?" asked the wife.
"Well, it has cost us a lot of money to get the house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of the house so, yes, I suppose she would," the husband replied.
"If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house, would she sleep in our bed?" the wife asked.
"Well, dear, the bed is brand new and it was very expensive. It's going to last a long time so, yes, I guess she would," answered the husband.
"If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house, and slept in our bed, would she use my golf clubs?" the wife inquired.
"Oh, no," the husband replied, "she's left-handed!"

A Scotsman goes to the dentist and asks how much it is for a tooth extraction.

"? 85 for an extraction, Sir" was the reply.

"Och, huv yer no got nothin' cheaper?" replies the Scotsman, getting agitated.

"But that's the normal charge for an extraction, Sir," said the dentist.

"What about if yer didna use any anaesthetic?" asked the Scotsman hopefully.

"Well, it's highly unusual, Sir, but if that's what you want, I suppose I could do it for? 70," said the dentist.

"Hmmmm, what about if yer used one of yer dental trainees and still without anaesthetic?" said the Scotsman.

"Well, it's possible, but they are only training and I can't guarantee their level of professionalism, and it'll be a lot more painful. I suppose in that case we can bring the price down to say? 40," said the dentist.

"Och, that's still a bit much. How about more...

July 18 - I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard it is the best
online service I can get. They even included a free disk! I'd better hold onto
it in case they don't ever send me another one! I can't connect. I don't know
what is wrong.
July 19 - Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a modem. I
don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he think I am?
July 22 - I bought the modem. I couldn't figure out where it goes. It wouldn't
fit in the monitor or the printer. I'm confused.
July 23 - I finally got the modem in and hooked up. That nine year old next door
did it for me. But it still don't work. I can't get online.
July 25 - That nine year old kid next door hooked me up to America Online for
me. He's so smart. I told the kid he was a prodigy. But he says that's just
another service. What a modest kid. He's so smart and he does these services for
people. Anyway he's smarter then the more...

July 18 - I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard it is the best online service I can get. They even included a free disk! I'd better hold onto it in case they don't ever send me anther one! I can't connect. I don't know what is wrong.
July 19 - Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a modem. I don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he think I am?
July 22 - I bought the modem. I couldn't figure out where it goes. It wouldn't fit in the monitor or the printer. I'm confused.
July 23 - I finally got the modem in and hooked up. that nine year old next door did it for me. But it still don't work. I cant get online.
July 25 - That nine year old kid next door hooked me up to America Online for me. He's so smart. I told the kid he was a prodigy. But he says that's just another service. What a modest kid. He's so smart and he does these services for people. Anyway he's smarter then the jerks who sold me the modem. They more...

July 18 I just tried to connect to America Online.
I've heard it is the
best online service I can get. They even included a free disk! I'd better
hold onto it in case they don't ever send me anther one! I can't connect.
I don't know what is wrong.
July 19 Some guy at the tech support center says my
computer needs a
modem. I don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he think
I am?
July 22 I bought the modem. I couldn't figure out where it
goes. It wouldn't fit in the monitor or the printer. I'm confused.
July 23 I finally got the modem in and hooked up. that nine year
old next door did it for me. But it still doesn't work. I can't get online.
July 25 That nine year old kid next door hooked me up to America
Online
for me. He's so smart. I told the kid he was a prodigy. But he says that's
just another service. What a modest kid. He's so smart and he does these
services for people. Anyway he's smarter more...