Suppose Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbi leans over and asks, "So how high can you advance in your organization?"

The Priest says "If I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop."

"Well, could you get any higher than that?" asks the Rabbi.

"I suppose that if my works are seen in a very good light that I might be made an Arch Bishop" said the Priest a bit cautiously.

"Is there any way that you might go higher than that?"

"If all the Saints should smile, I guess I could be made a Cardinal", said the priest. "Could you be anything higher than a Cardinal?" probed the Rabbi.

Hesitating a little bit, the Priest said "I suppose that I could be elected Pope, but..."
So the Rabbi says "And could you be anything higher than that?, is there any way to go up from being the Pope?"

"What!!! I more...

This married couple wakes up during the X-mas season.
The wife says, "I had the weirdest dream. I dreamt that our X-mas tree was decorated with dicks and on top was the biggest, hardest, smoothest dick I have ever seen."
"I suppose that was mine," the hubby said proudly.
"No, I think maybe it belonged to Brad Pitt," she replied. "Oh yeah," he said snottily. "Well I had a similiar dream."
"I dreamt that our tree was decorated with pussies and on top was the wettest, best looking pussy I have ever seen."
"And I suppose that was mine?" she asked. "Nope. Yours was holding up the tree!"

Things could be worse; suppose your errors were counted and published every day, like those of a baseball player.

For all those serious Maths buffs... lemmas and theorems!
1. Lemma: All horses are of the same colour.
Proof (by induction):
Case n=1: In a set with only one horse, it is obvious that all horses in that set are the same colour.
Case n=k: Suppose you have a set of k+1 horses. Pull one of these horses out of the set, so that you have k horses. Suppose that all of these horses are the same colour. Now put back the horse that you took out, and pull out a different one. Suppose that all of the k horses now in the set are the same colour. Then the set of k+1 horses are all the same colour. We have k true => k+1 true; therefore all horses are of the same color.
2. Theorem: All horses have an infinite number of legs.
Proof (by intimidation):
Everyone would agree that all horses have an even number of legs. It is also well-known that horses have forelegs in front and two legs in back. 4 + 2 = 6 legs, which is certainly an odd number of legs for a horse to have! Now more...

Two Jews are sitting in a Chinese restaurant. "Are there any Chinese Jews?"
The other sips his tea. "I don't know. I suppose so."
"You suppose so?"
"Yeah, there are Jews everywhere. I was in the Caribbean and they showed us this synagogue from the 16th century."
"But that doesn't mean there are Chinese Jews."
At this point the waiter comes up with their checks. "Hey! Hop Sing! Listen, are there any Chinese Jews?"
The waiter shakes his head. "Don't understand."
"Jews. Jews. Chinese Jews."
The waiter smiles and nods. "I go ask." He goes away and returns shortly.
"No Chinese Jews. Orange Jews, Tomato Jews but no Chinese Jews..."

Do you suppose the inventor of the vibrator heard a voice that said, "If you build it, they will come."

If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Philip's Screwdriver?
Why is it that we recite at a play and play at a recital?
Why is a wise man and wise guy opposites?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
Have you ever noticed... Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
Suppose you were an idiot... And suppose you were a member of Congress... But I repeat myself.
Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Iraq.
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my gosh....I could be eating a more...