Surrender Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Anti-Relationship Contract
(to guarantee no strings are attached)
I, _______________________, hereby surrender all possibilities of friendship, commitment, marriage, guilt-trips and near-pregnancies in exchange for one (1) night of USDA approved fondling and fornication. I will not return to the scene of said activities, nor call, write or otherwise contact/harass or vex said co-signer of contract for a time of no less than thirty (30) days and nights after said activities have been fulfilled. I also surrender all rights to propagate rumors, misnomers and dirty looks in the cafeteria from myself and friends, and will treat said co-signer with all the respect due a stranger. I will say "hi" if we pass within ten (10) meters in a friendly, if not neutral, tone. I will also upon completion of herefore listed activities not leave underwear, earrings or other insignificant yet oh-so-valuable knick-knacks lying about or hidden somewhere in the co- signer's abode for more...
Paris (Associated Press) French to Send Surrender Advisors to Iraq In a stunning reversal of policy, French President Jacques Chirac announced today that the French government will be supporting the War on Terror after all. Five hundred soldiers from the elite L'Abandonnement du Field d'Honneur Battalion de Fran?s (French Surrender Battalion) of the? ranger L?on (Foreign Legion) are in the process of shipping out to Iraq where they will assist the elite Iraqi Republican Guards in their inevitable surrender to the overwhelming might of the American and British Armed Forces. "Eet ees important to be haughty and insufferable when surrendering," said General Philippe de Peepee, the Commanding Officer of the Surrender Battalion, who has personally surrendered in more than 200 battles going back to Dien Bien Phu in 1954. "We French are ze world masters at surrendering, n'est ce pas, not like you arrogant Americans who never surrender. Ha, I spit on your filthy American more...
An Israeli and an Arab tank collide. The Arabs run out shouting: "I surrender, I surrender!" The Israelis run out shouting: "Whiplash, whiplash!"
French to Send Surrender Advisors to Iraq
In a stunning reversal of policy, French President Jacques Chirac announced today that the French government will be supporting the War on Terror after all. Five hundred soldiers from the elite L'Abandonnement du Field d'Honneur Battalion de Fran? s (French Surrender Battalion) of the? ranger L? on (Foreign Legion) are in the process of shipping out to Iraq where they will assist the elite Iraqi Republican Guards in their inevitable surrender to the overwhelming might of the American and British Armed Forces.
"Eet ees important to be haughty and insufferable when surrendering," said General Philippe de Peepee, the Commanding Officer of the Surrender Battalion, who has personally surrendered in more than 200 battles going back to Dien Bien Phu in 1954.
"We French are ze world masters at surrendering, n'est ce pas, not like you arrogant Americans who never surrender. Ha, I spit on your filthy American more...
David Letterman presented an hour-by-hour account of a day in the life of Osama bin Laden:7:00 am: "He wakes up and asks his assistant,' Am I still alive?'" 8:00 am: "Has a nutritious breakfast of sand and dirt." 10:30 am: "He takes his camel in for a tune-up at Mazar-e-Sharif Amoco." 11:30 am: "Has trouble opening a jar of peanut butter; declares jihad against Skippy." 1:00 pm: "Tae-Bo." 1:30 pm: "Records a video demanding America surrender or else he'll make another video demanding America surrender." 2:30 pm: "He's a celebrity judge at a wet burqa contest." 3:00 pm: "Picks Mullah Omar's name in this year's Secret Santa drawing." 4:00 pm: "Turns on CNN to closely study the moves of his opponents. Gets bored, switches to Oprah." 5:00 pm: "Gets scolded for not taking out the trash by wives 3, 8, and 16." 9:00 pm: "Plots strategy for upcoming week: cower underground like a spooked more...