Survivor Jokes

A major network is planning the show "Survivor 2" this winter. In response, Texas is planning "Survivor, Texas Style." The contestants will start in Dallas, travel through Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston, and down to Brownsville. They will proceed up to Del Rio, on to El Paso, then to Midland/Odessa, Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there, they proceed to Abilene, and on to Ft. Worth and back to Dallas.
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads, "I'm gay, I voted for Al Gore, and I'm here to confiscate your guns."
The first one to make it back to Dallas wins.

Survivor
Flush with the success of its latest creation, CBS is launching a new version, called Jewish Survivor. 16 Jews are put in a two-bedroom flat near Brent Cross in London. Each week they vote out one member until there is a final survivor who gets £1 million (but placed into a trust that does not vest until age 59). The Rules:
1. No maid service, no au-pairs.
2. No use of ATMs or credit cards.
3. No food must be bought in from take-aways or be delivered. This includes Chinese food.
4. All purchases must be retail.
5. Outside trips must be by foot, bus or underground. No cars, hire cars or taxis allowed.
6. All workouts/exercise must be done in regular sweatshirts - no designer labels.
7. There will only be one phone line for all 16 Tribe members. No call can last more than 3 minutes.
8. No mobile phones allowed.
9. No telephone calls to mother (for women), or the office (for men).
10. Maintenance problems must be resolved more...

This is going to be the theme for the next Survivor Show:
Married men will be dropped on an island with 1 car and 4 kids each, for 6 weeks.
Each kid plays two sports and either takes music or dance classes.
There is no access to fast food.
Each man must take care of his 4 kids, keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, etc.
The men only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. There is only one TV between them and there is no remote.
The men must shave their legs and wear makeup daily, which they must apply themselves, either while driving or while making four lunches.
They must attend weekly PTA meetings; clean up after their sick children at 3: 00 A. M; make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.
The kids vote them off the island, based on performance.
The last man wins only more...

Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, Texas is planning to do its own, titled Survivor, Texas-Style.

The contestants will start in Dallas, travel to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston, and down to Brownsville. They will then proceed up to Del Rio, onto El Paso, then to Midland, Odessa, Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there, they'll proceed to Abilene, Ft. Worth and finally back to Dallas.

Each will be driving a pink Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads, "I'm gay, I'm a vegetarian, I voted for Al Gore, and I'm
here to confiscate your guns!"

The first one to make it back to Dallas alive wins!

Network TV is reported to be developing a Texas version of "Survivor," the popular TV show.
Contestants must travel from Amarillo through Fort Worth, Dallas, Houston, San Antonio and back to Amarillo, through San Marcos and Lubbock. Each will be driving a Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads: "I voted for Kerry, I`m gay, and I`m here to take your guns."
The first contestant to complete the round trip is the winner.