Sven Jokes / Recent Jokes

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Sven!
Sven who?
Sven Brides for Seven Brothers!

A Norwegian took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota. While in a bar, an Indian on the next stool spoke to the Norwegian in a friendly manner.
"Look," he said, "let's have a little game. I'll ask you a riddle. If you can answer it, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't then you buy me one. OK?"
"Ja, dat sounds purty good," said the Norwegian.
The Indian said, "My father and mother had one child. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who was it?"
The Norwegian scratched his head and finally said, "I give up. Who vas it?"
"It was ME," chortled the Indian.
So the Norwegian paid for the drinks.
Back in Sioux Falls the Norwegian went into the bar and spotted one of his cronies.
"Sven," he said, "I got a game. If you can answer a question, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't, you have to buy me vun. Fair enough?"
"Fair enough," said Sven.
"Ok," the more...

So Sven and Ole were out working in the forest one day. They had just gotten jobs as lumber jacks. Well one say they were working along cutting down all the trees that had the big red X on them. As instructed by the foreman they were to yell' TIMBER!' whenever the tree was about to fall. Ole was cutting down a tree and yelled' Timber' and all of a sudden he saw a skidder pulling a tree out of the woods drive right under where the tree was about to fall. There was nothing he could do about it. The tree fell on the cab killing poor' ol DooDah. That was his name for his parents gave it to him. He was a young man recentley married. Well Sven and Ole didn't know what to do, so they called the priest and he said to go talk and comfort DooDah's now widow. Well they walked out of the forest into town and arrived at the widows house. They were dumbfounded and didn't know what to think or say. So quickly as the fact the tree fell..... Sven rang the doorbell. A few minutes later the widow DooDah more...

"Hey Sven, how many Swedes does it take to grease a combine?" "I don`t know, Ole." "Only two, if you run them through real slow."

Sven and Ole worked together, and both were laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office. Asked his occupation, Ole said "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton panties."

The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.

Sven was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter" he replied. Since diesel fitters was a skilled job the clerk gave Sven $600 a week.

When Ole found out he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.

The clerk explained: panty stitchers were unskilled and diesel fitters were skilled labor.

"What skill?" yelled Ole. "I sew the elastic on, Sven pulls on it and says, "Yep, diesel fitter."

Sven & Ole, a couple of Norwegians now living in Minnesota, head for the fair in Duluth. The first thing to catch Sven's eye is the big double Ferris wheel.
"Oh, Ole," he says, "vould you look at dat. I've always vanted to go on von of dose big Ferris veels. Let's go ride on dat von."
Ole, not being near as adventurous as Sven says, "Oh, I don't tink so. Dat looks kind of dangerous to me." "Vell," says Sven, "you give me yust von good reason vhy you von't go vit me on dat ride."
Ole couldn't come up with a good reason so up they went. Ole had to admit after the ride that it was kind of fun.
After another 10 or 15 minutes they came to the roller coaster. "Oh Ole," says Sven, "Vould you look at dat. Dat's von fine looking roller coaster. I tink ve should go for a ride' on dat."
"Oh, I don't tink so." says Ole. "Dat looks very dangerous to me."
"Vell," says Sven. more...

Q: Who are Sven War, Ollie Famine, Piter Pestilence, and Jergi Death? A: The four Norseman of the Apocolypse.