Sven Jokes / Recent Jokes

Did you hear about Ole's cross-eyed teacher.
She had trouble keeping her pupils straight.
Ole said, "My wife just left me for my best friend."
"Ole," Sven said compassionately, "you poor man."
"Sven, I will sure miss that guy."

Sven and Olie died and went to Hell. After awhile, the Devil came by to see how his new guests were doing. To his amazement, he found Sven and Olie were still wearing their winter gear and seemed to be quite comfortable. The Devil asked why they weren't hot. Olie replied, "We come from Minnesota where it's always cold. This is feeling pretty good to us." This upset the Devil, so he turned up the thermostat. Awhile later the Devil looked in again on Sven and Olie. To his surprise he found they were still wearing their winter gear. The Devil questioned them on it again. "You have to remember that we are from Minnesota and it's very, very cold there. This is feeling nice to us." The Devil was even madder at this, so he turned the thermostat all the way up to maximum temperature. The Devil waited some time and then went back to Sven and Olie. This time he found they had only unzipped their coats, but still had all their winter clothes on. The Devil couldn't understand more...

Sven and Ole are visiting a relative in Texas. While walking along the street, they see a sign on a store front which reads:
Suits $5.00 each
Shirts $2.00 each
Trousers $2.50 per pair
Sven says to his pal, "Hey Ole! We could buy a whole lot of dem and ven ve get back to Minnesota, ve could sell them and make a fortune."
"Now ven ve go into the shop, yust let me do all da talkin' cause if dey hear your Minnesota accent dey might tink ve are dumb Norwegians and try ta raise da price. But, I can speak with a perfect Texas drawl."
They go in, and Sven drawls out an order of 50 suits at $5.00 each, 100 shirts at $2.00 each and 50 pair of trousers at $2.50 each.
The owner of the shop says "You're Norwegians from Minnesota, aren't you?"
"Uff Da!" Says a surprised Sven. "How'd you know dat?"
The owner says, "Because this is a dry-cleaners."

Sven and Ole worked together and were both laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office.
When asked his occupation, Sven looked the lady in the eye and said "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton panties."
The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.
Then Ole goes in and sits down with the lady.
She asked Ole his occupation. "Diesel fitter", he replied.
Since diesel fitters was a skilled job the clerk gave the Ole $600 a week.
When Sven found out he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend and co-worker, Ole, was collecting double his unemployment pay.
The clerk explained: "When I looked it up, panty-stitchers were unskilled laborers and diesel fitters were skilled laborers."
Skill!..."What skill?" yelled Sven.
"I sew the elastic on...
He pulls on it and says,... "Yep, diesel fitter".

Sven and Ole worked together and were both laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office.When asked his occupation, Sven looked the lady in the eye and said "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton panties."The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.Then Ole goes in and sits down with the lady.She asked Ole his occupation. "Diesel fitter", he replied.Since diesel fitters was a skilled job the clerk gave the Ole $600 a week.When Sven found out he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend and co-worker, Ole, was collecting double his unemployment pay.The clerk explained: "When I looked it up, panty-stitchers were unskilled laborers and diesel fitters were skilled laborers."Skill!..."What skill?" yelled Sven."I sew the elastic on...He pulls on it and says,... "Yep, diesel fitter".

A Norwegian took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota. While in a bar, an Indian on the next stool spoke to the Norwegian in a friendly manner.

"Look," he said, "let's have a little game. I'll ask you a riddle. If you can answer it, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't then you buy me one. OK?"
"Ja, dat sounds purty good," said the Norwegian.
The Indian said, "My father and mother had one child. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who was it?"
The Norwegian scratched his head and finally said, "I give up. Who vas it?"
"It was ME," chortled the Indian.
So the Norwegian paid for the drinks.
Back in Sioux Falls the Norwegian went into the bar and spotted one of his cronies.
"Sven," he said, "I got a game. If you can answer a question, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't, you have to buy me vun. Fair enough?"
"Fair enough," said more...

One day some fisherman caught tons of fish called tench.
The fisherman couldn't eat them all so they gave them to the Mayor of the town.
The Mayor wasn't sure what to do with them. Then he had an idea; he would have a fish-eating competition.
When they had the competition, there were two finalists: a man from a place called Fife, whose name was Mr. Hicks and a man that was from Sweden, whose name is Sven.
So they had the final; the Mayor fired the starting pistol and they started eating the tench.
No sooner had Mr. Hicks bitten the fish than one of his teeth fell out. He couldn't eat because of this so he stopped, but the Mayor refused to stop the competition.
So Sven kept on eating and ended up eating nine of these tench fish.
The next day the headlines read:
ONE TOOTH FREE FOR FIFE HICKS, SVEN ATE NINE TENCH!