Swallowing Jokes / Recent Jokes
Then: Swallowing acid Now: Swallowing antacid Then: You’re growing pot Now: Your growing pot Then: Watching John Glenn’s historic flight with your parents Now: Watching John Glenn’s historic flight with your kids Then: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor Now: Trying not to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor Then: Passing the driving test Now: Passing the vision test Then: Seeds and stems Now: Roughage Then: Popping pills, smoking joints Now: Popping joints Then: Whatever? Now: Depends Then: Ommmmmm Now: Ummmmm Then: Our president’s struggle with Fidel Now: Our president’s struggle with fidelity
A guy walks into a whorehouse and tells one of the girls he wants a blowjob. The girl takes him to a room and proceeds suck him off without a condom. While she does so, the guy sees a half-full bucket of sperm beside the bed.
He disregards the strange site as he enjoys the best blowjob of his life. A second later, he shoots long lines of semen into her mouth. She takes every drop, but instead of swallowing, she spits the cum into that damned bucket.
The guy wonders aloud, "Don't like swallowing spuzz, huh?" She wipes her mouth and replies, "Another girl and I have a bet. Whoever fills up a bucket first gets to drink both buckets."
A badly constipated man went to the doctors. The doctor prescribed suppositories and told the man to take one once every four hours. The man left the doctor, happy that his problem would soon be gone.
When he got home, he took a suppository, swallowing it with a glass of water. Four hours passed. Nothing happened. But he figured that these things take time, so he swallowed another one, hoping he would reap the benefits very soon. After several days of taking the suppositories every four hours, he was still constipated, so he returned to the doctor.
When he explained that he took one every four hours, as prescribed, the doctor exclaimed, "What are you doing? Swallowing them?"
The man replied sarcastically, "No, I'm shoving them up my arse!!!"
Hate is like swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die.
A man was badly constipated, and had been for several weeks, so he went to
a doctor to try to alleviate his problem. The doctor prescribed suppositories,
and told the man to take one once every four hours. The man left the doctor,
happy that his problem would soon be gone.
When he got home, he quickly took a suppository, swallowing it down with a
glass of water. After four hours, nothing happened, but he figured that these
things take time, so he swallowed another one down, hoping that he would
reap the benefits very soon. After several days, he was still constipated,
so he returned to the doctor.
When he explained that he took one every four hours, as prescribed, the doctor
exclaimed:
"What the hell are you doing? Swallowing them?"
The man replied, sarcastically:
"NO, I'M SHOVING THEM UP MY ASS!!!"