Swears Jokes / Recent Jokes

There's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like an old salt, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and the bird's foul mouth is driving him nuts.
One day, it just gets to be too much and the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets angry and says, "OK for you," and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very quiet.
At first the guy just waits, but more...

There's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like an old salt, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and the bird's foul mouth is driving him nuts.One day, it just gets to be too much and the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets angry and says, "OK for you," and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a sailor blush.At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very quiet.At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to more...

There's this fellow with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you," and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invectives that would make a veteran sailor blush. At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets VERY quiet. At first the guy just waits, but then he starts more...

There's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like an old salt, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and the bird's foul mouth is driving him nuts. One day, it just gets to be too much and the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets angry and says, "OK for you," and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a sailor blush. At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very quiet. At first the guy just waits, but then he starts more...

So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I
mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating
himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and
this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat,
shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad
and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you." and locks the bird in a kitchen
cabinet.
This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy
finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that
would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.
For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws
and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets more...

So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor - I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for 5 minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's fowl mouth is driving him crazy.

One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!". But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you!" and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.

At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets_very_quiet.

At first the guy more...

There's this fellow with a parrot. And the parrot swears like a sailor. I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, polite, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the parrot by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, 'QUIT IT!'. This just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says 'OK for you' and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches. When the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush. At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes and uses words Lenny Bruce and George Carlin NEVER thought about trying to use in their acts. Then more...