Sweater Jokes / Recent Jokes

Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage. Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner plans for Saturday night. Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and drinks like Prohibition is coming back. Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can't make it through twenty minutes without either throwing up or using the bathroom. After several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn't want to cancel the date, because he's afraid he won't ever talk to her again. So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City (about a 30 minute ride). They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself more...

A cop is driving down the freeway when he sees a blonde knitting while she is driving.
Confused he turns on his siren and loudpeaker and says, "pullover, pullover." The blond looks up at the cop and then down and screams, " No, it s a sweater!"

"I say, I say, I say. Did you know it takes a dozen sheep to make a sweater?"

"Really. I didn't know they could knit."

I got a sweater for Christmas, but I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.