Sweater Jokes / Recent Jokes

Four married guys go golfing on Sunday. During the 3rd hole the following conversation ensued:
First Guy: "Man, you have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."
Second Guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."
Third Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."
They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?"
Fourth Guy: "That's easy! I just set my alarm for 5:30am. When it goes off, I shut off my alarm, give the wife a poke. 'Golf Course or Intercourse?', I ask. She says, 'Wear your sweater.'"

This Poor Innocent Guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage.

Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner plans for Saturday night. Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and drinks like prohibition is coming back. Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can't make it through twenty minutes without either throwing up or using the bathroom. After several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn't want to cancel the date, because he's afraid he won't ever talk to her again. So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City (about a 30-minute ride). They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself during the more...

Mrs Kartar had bought a beautiful sweater for her husband. She sent it to her husband by parcel post along with a note. The note said: ` The buttons of the sweater are removed since they where too heavy and added to the postage. You will find them in the right hand pocket of the sweater &

What do you call an elephant creeping through the jungle in the middle of the night? Russell! A man was sprinkling some white powder on his lawn."Why are you doing that?" asked his neighbour"It's to keep the elephants off the grass", he replied."But we don't get elephants round here!""I know - good stuff isn't it!" What do you call an elephant with a rabbit up it's sweater? Warren! What do you call the rabbit up the elephant's sweater? Terrified! What do you call someone with an elephant on their head? Squashed! Who lost a herd of elephants? Big bo peep! What is an elephants favorite film? Elephantasia What do elephants say as a compliment? You look elephantastic! What do you do with old cannon balls? Give them to elephants to use as marbles! What animals were last to leave the ark? The elephants as they had to pack their trunks!

An Indian lady visiting France goes to a restaurant and looks at the menu. She finds the design on the menu card appealing and decides to knit the design for a sweater. She completes knitting it in a couple of days while still in France. She wears it for a walk, but is surprised when everyone starts laughing at her. She couldn't understand why, so she asks one of them the reason. She is told that the design on her sweater is not a design, but French that means, 'Fresh milk available here.'

MRS Banta knitted a sweater and sent it to her husband by parcel post. With it she sent the following note: I have removed the buttons as they are too heavy and would add to the price of postage. You will find them in the right hand pocket of the sweater.'

Son: Mummy Mummy I Am Going For Swimming? Mummy: No Son It Is To Cold Son: Mummy I Am Wearing A Sweater