Sweet Jokes / Recent Jokes

'Twas the fight before Christmas
when all through the house
the tension was rising
'tween in-laws and spouse.
Expecting the onslaught, she'd shopped, wrapped, and baked,
Mom verged on exhaustion, her back cramped and ached.
"This year will be perfect!" determined she vowed
Then she lined up her brood, and she ordered aloud,
"Now, listen up, kids! Clean your ears, so you'll hear it!
You'll stop all your whining and get into the spirit!"
Their kinfolk were traveling from locales afar,
to watch little Jen as she held up the Star,
Jeremiah as drummer, and Jimmy as goat,
and the rest of the rugrats playing Heavenly Host.
The pastor who cast them, though' twas said he was braver
didn't trust Baby Paul to portray the sweet Savior.
Now the eve of the holiday pageant had come.
The mock angels fluttered, the wee drummer drummed,
and drummed and he drummed until Mom thought she'd more...

Mother: Why are you putting sugar under your pillow?
Shilpa: To have sweet dreams.

There was a young farmer who lived on a rock
He liked to count sheep while he fingered his...
Marbles and toys as in days of old yore
And for a companion he had a young...
Maiden whose passion was playing with dolls
She told him she wanted to nuzzle his...
Sweet violets
Sweeter than the roses
Covered all over from head to toe
In sweet violets
The farmer was pleased with all of his luck
She claimed that she'd show him a new way to...
Bring up the children and teach them to knit
While the boys in the barnyard were shoveling...
Hay from the stables and filling the rick
He told her he'd let her grab hold of his...
Long middle finger which had a slight rash
To soothe it he jammed it right into her...
Sweet violets
Sweeter than the roses
Covered all over from head to toe
In sweet violets
The farmer then left her and went off to hunt
He said, "While I'm gone take good care of your...
Little more...

Sarah was reading a newspaper while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing.' Listen to this,' she said.'There's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium.'' Hmmm,' her husband said, not looking up from his magazine. Teasing him, Sarah said,' Would you swap me for a season ticket?'' Absolutely not,' he said.' How sweet,' Sarah said.' Tell me why not.'' Season's more than half over,' he said.

Some people are never motivated to participate. They're far more content to just watch while others do the work. They're known as 'Speck Tators'.
Some people will never do anything to help, but are very gifted at finding fault with the way others do the work. They're known as 'Comment Tators'.
Some people tend to be very bossy and enjoy telling others what to do, although they don't want to soil their own hands. They're known as 'Dick Tators'.
Some people are always looking to cause problems by asking others to agree with them. It's always too hot or too cold, too sweet or too sour, etc. They're known as 'Agie Tators'.
Some people put up a good front and pretend to be someone they're not. They're known as 'Emma Tators'.
There are some who say they will help, but somehow never seem to get around to actually doing the promised help. They're known as 'Hezzie Tators'.
And then, there are those who love and do what they say they will. They're always prepared to stop more...

A woman went to a sweet store to buy some sweets. The boy behind the counter said "Gosh, your ugly arent you?, Ive never seen anyone so hideous as you before""Young man" she replied. " I didnt come here to be insulted""Really", he said, "Where do you usually go? "

Biology Class In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (FRESHMAN) raised her hand and asked, "If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar in male semen?" "That's correct", responded the professor, going on to add statistical info. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?" After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of class.... and never returned. However, as she was going out the door, the Professor's reply was classic.... Totally straight-faced he answered her question, "It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of your throat."