Swim Jokes / Recent Jokes

Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man started to scream for help.A local fisherman ran up. The man gasped, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I"ll give you a hundred dollars."The fisherman dived into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore.Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, buddy, where's my hundred?"The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law."The fisherman reached into his pocket and said... "Just my luck! So tell me, what do I owe you?"

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his Father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time, and it should cause the ship to turn
overand sink. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were
swimming to the safety of shore.
The male whale was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him."Look" she says "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to
swallow the seamen"

Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw his wife flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man started to scream for help. A trout fisherman ran up.
The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I"ll give you a hundred dollars."
The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred?"
The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law."
The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?

Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars." The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred dollars?" The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law." The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"

Incident at the old swimming pool
by jiM Mica
I'm sure I've mentioned that I swim at the pool at work whenever I can. The pool seems to be the exercise venue for the halt and the lame. Professor Richs started going there years ago when he hurt himself running. I go there with my obesity and diabetes. And, Dr. Stan has been swimming since he lost the front end of a foot in a car accident a while back. Before the accident he was an ardent runner.
Besides us old coots, the pool also serves as an exercise spot for many physically and/or emotionally challenged kids. They get brought to the pool by their parents and then get to swim under the watchful eye of our physical therapy students -and their instructors of course.
The strangest thing happened a few weeks back when Dr. Stan and I were leaving the pool for the showers and a bunch of the young kids were being readied for their turn in the water. As we walked by the kids, exchanging pleasantries as usual, one of the more...

A 56-year-old woman plans to swim across the Atlantic Ocean. Because air travel has gotten just that ridiculous.

"I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was -'You'll never find anyone like me again!'I'm thinking,' I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you?'"Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp." "A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket.'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone,' I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too." "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait." "Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God more...