Swimming Jokes / Recent Jokes

What do you call a bunch of Blondes in a swimming pool in the middle of January?
Frosted Flakes

There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, Who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appears. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all, are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He run towards thepool, jumped and shouted "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool.
The last was the American. When he was running towards the pool, suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the more...

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,

"Are there any gators around here?"

"Nah," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?"

"We didn't do anything," the beachcomber said. "Really?" said the tourist.

The beachcomber added, "The sharks got' em."

Even synchonized swimming has been marred by the use of Human Growth Hormones.

I was cleaning out my closet and I found a swim suit that I had made out of sponges. I remember one time when I wore it. When I got out of the swimming pool nobody could go swimming until I came back.

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his Father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time, and it should cause the ship to turn
overand sink. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were
swimming to the safety of shore.
The male whale was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him."Look" she says "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to
swallow the seamen"

When I fly, I go Air Bizarre. It's a good airline. You buy a one-way round trip ticket. You leave any Monday and they bring you back the previous Friday... That way you still have the weekend.
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
I broke a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
If the pen is mightier than the sword, in a duel I'll let you have the pen!
I was cleaning out my closet and I found a swim suit that I had made out of sponges. I remember one time when I wore it. When I got out of the swimming pool nobody could go swimming until I came back.
The other day, when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is; it's always room temperature.
I have a very rare photograph. It shows Houdini locking his keys in his car.