Swimming Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Director said to the actress: "You have to jump from 100 feet into a swimming pool."
Actress: "But I dont know how to swim."
Director: "I know, that's why I removed all the water from the swimming pool."

So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said "Is that the local swimming baths?"
He said, "It depends where you're calling from."

Two of Clinton's sperm are swimming around in Monica, when one of the sperm looks at the other and says," Hey I think we are coming close to the ovaries"... the other looks at the other sperm and says," Hey relax we just passed the tonsils."

Two women who met in the park were busily chatting about their
sons. My sons a doctor exclaimed the first women. He has a
beautiful big house, a Rolls and a BMW, a heated swimming pool
and a tennis court. After bragging about her son she asks the
second woman' What does your son do?'
Well actually my sons a homosexual, said the second woman.
OH I am sorry said the first women.
No need to be sorry said the second woman, he's done very well
for himself. He lives with a rich doctor who has a big house, a
rolls and a BMW, a lovely heated swimming pool and a tennis court.

Two whales, a male and female, are swimming off the coast of Japan when the
male whale looks up and sees the whaling ship that killed his father 5 years
ago. Excited at the opportunity to avenge his father's death, the male whale
says to the female "Let's go underneath the ship and blow air through our blow
holes. That ought to knock their boat over, and make them think twice about
killing innocent whales." The female whale agrees, and the plan
works perfectly. Once the whaling ship has completely sunk, the male whale
notices that most of the sailors are making their way back to the shore by
either swimming or in lifeboats. Not willing to let them get away so easily,
the male whale yells "They're going to shore - Let's go gobble them up!" Just
then, the female whale becomes less cooperative: "HEY!", she says, "I agreed
to the blow job, but there is NO WAY I'm swallowing seamen!"

A blonde was swimming. She swam deeper and deeper until she drowned. Her husband came home and found her dead in the bathtub.

Three mice were trying to get some exercise. Since the wheel in their cage was broken, they decided to head to the bathroom and do some swimming.
The first mouse decided to take a swim in the sink. When he got back, he commented to the other mice, "My swim wasn't particularly enjoyable. The water was much too shallow and the distance from shore to shore was far too short."
The second mouse took his swim in the bathtub. When he returned, he was jumping up and down with excitement. "My swim in the tub was wonderful," he said. "I had plenty of room to swim, the water was warm and I could make it as deep as I wanted."
Not to be outdone, the third mouse went swimming in the toilet. When he returned, he was breathing hard. "I'll never do that again, that's for sure," he muttered.
"Why? What happened?" the other mice asked.
Still struggling to catch his breath, the third mouse explained, "I was having a great time, more...