Swinging Spouses Jokes

Before he went off to the wars, King Arthur locked his lovely wife, Guinevere, into her chastity belt. Then he summoned his loyal friend and subject, Sir Lancelot.
"Lancelot, noble knight," said Arthur, "within this sturdy belt is imprisoned the virtue of my wife. The key to this chaste treasure I will entrust to only one man in the world. To you."
Humbled before this great honor, Lancelot knelt, received his king's blessing and took charge of the key. Arthur mounted his steed and rode off. Not half a mile from his castle, he heard hoofbeats behind him and turned to see Sir Lancelot riding hard to catch up with him. "What is amiss, my friend?" asked the king.
"My lord," gasped Lancelot, "you have given me the wrong key!"

The king was waving to his loyal subjects from the steps of the palace when he spotted a beggar in the crowd who looked, beneath the dirt and rags, amazingly like his royal self. He had a guard bring the beggar to him and the crowd was likewise struck by the remarkable resemblance. The king was amused, for he knew that the king before him had a well-deserved reputation as a ladies' man, as did he himself.

"Tell me, my good fellow," said the king, smiling, "was your Mother perhaps a servant in the royal palace?"

"No, Your Highness," said the beggar, "but my father was."

Two Englishmen struck up a conversation with an American in the club car of a train headed east out of Chicago.
"I say," queried the younger Englishman, "have you ever been to London?"
The American laughed. "It was my home for two years during the war," he said. "Had some of the wildest times of my life in that old town."
The older Englishman, a little hard of hearing, asked, "What did he say, Reggie?"
"He said he's been to London, father," the younger Englishman replied.
After a little lull in the conversation, the young man asked, "You didn't, by any chance, meet a Hazel Wimbleton in London, did you?"
The American almost fell off his chair. "Hot-Pants Hazel?!" he exclaimed. "My God, I shacked up with that broad for three months just before I came back to the States."
"What did he say, Reggie?" the older Englishman wanted to know.
"He says more...

The hungover couple dawdled over a mid-afternoon breakfast, after a particularly wild all-night party held in their fashionable apartment.

"Dearest, this is rather embarrassing," said the husband, "but was it you I made love to in the library last night?"

His wife looked at him reflectively, and then asked, "About what time?"

I've learned one thing about women," said the experienced one to his drinking companions. "You just can't trust a girl with brown eyes."
"It occurs to me," said one of his inebriated friends, "that I've been married nearly three years and I don't know what color eyes my wife has."
The second man finished his drink, climbed from his stool and hurried home to investigate this disturbing possibility. His wife was in bed asleep. He crept up to her and carefully lifted an eyelid.
"By God! Brown!" he exclaimed.
"How the hell did you know I was here?" said Brown, crawling out from under the bed.