Swinging Spouses Jokes / Recent Jokes
Pete was the playboy of the office. He kept the typewriter set bug-eyed with juicy tales of his conquests. One afternoon a bachelor in the office cornered him and asked, "Pete, how the hell do you do it? You're a married man, but you make Casanova look like a two-bit amateur. Come on, buddy, what's your secret?"
Pete was in a conversational mood. "I wouldn't do this for everybody, Eddie," he said, "but you're a friend, so I'll tell you my secret. Like all great plans, it's really very simple. It's all in the approach!
"Tonight, take the 5: 21 out of Penn Station and get off at Great Neck. You'll find dozens of dolls there waiting for their husbands. Now there are always some husbands who have to work late. So all you have to do is be charming and let nature take its course."
The system was indeed simple, but it also seemed foolproof. Eddie boarded the 5: 21 that night with Pete's instructions fixed firmly in his mind. But he dozed en more...
Paul Revere's horse galloped down the country road. The life of the colonies depended on his warning the people that the British were coming. He approached a farmhouse.
"Is your husband at home?" he called to the woman feeding chickens in the yard.
"He's back in the barn, Paul," she answered.
"Tell him to get his musket and go to the village square. The Redcoats are coining!"
The exchange of words had taken but an instant; Revere's horse had not broken its stride. The famous patriot thundered off towards the next farm.
"Is your husband at home?" Revere called to the woman in the doorway of the next farmhouse he approached.
"He's asleep in his room, Paul," she said.
"Tell him to get on his clothes," Revere cried.' The Minute Men are meeting at the village square. The British are coming!"
Horse and rider galloped on to still another home.
"Is your husband at home?" he more...
The husband finally wised up to the fact that his wife was something less than faithful. He put a private investigator on her tail, and within a week had the name and address of the "other man."
"No sonofabitch is going to break up my home," the husband snarled indignantly to himself. "My loving wife would be true to me today if this sneaky guy hadn't come on the scene!"
Still, the husband prided himself on his sophistication, and determined to handle the situation in a businesslike way. He called in his secretary and dictated this letter:
"Sir: It has been called to my attention that for some time now you have been carrying on an affair with my wife. So that we can settle this matter intelligently, please see me in my office at three P. M. sharp on Friday."
The "other man," amused by the husband's formal manner, called in his own secretary and dictated this reply:
"Dear Sir: Received your circular more...
His Lordship awoke with an all too infrequent feeling of virility and joyfully announced his condition to his valet. Impressed, the servant asked, "Shall I notify M'lady?"
"No, just hand me my baggy tweeds," replied his Lordship. "I shall smuggle this one into town."
A married man we know quite well relaxed on a recent business trip by enjoying a lively weekend with a lively blonde. Not long after returning to the home office, however, a rather shifty individual paid him a visit and said, with the nasty innuendo of a professional blackmailer, "Remember that trip you took? Remember that blonde?" The answer to both questions was
"Yes."
"Well, mister," said the unsavory one, "it just so happens that I have photographs of everything that you and her did."
"Everything?" gulped our friend.
"Everything! See?" He spread a half-dozen highly detailed snapshots on the desk and after giving them a chance to make the proper impression, asked, "What are you gonna do about it, mister?"
"Well," drawled our friend coolly, "I'll take one of these, two of those, and five of this one over here. Can I have them tinted?"
A sharp rap on the door startled the two lovers. "Quick, it's my husband," exclaimed the frightened woman. "Jump out the window!"
"But we're on the thirteenth floor," the Casanova gasped.
"Jump," cried the woman. "This is no time to be superstitious."
Two longtime friends sipped Scotch in a local bar and talked about their troubles.
"And on top of everything else," said the first, "my wife has cut me down to just once a week."
"That's too bad," agreed his friend, "but it could be worse. I know two guys she's cut off altogether."