T-shirt Jokes / Recent Jokes
I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.
The money is always greener in the other guy's wallet.
When money talks, no one criticizes its accent.
I love my cat. My cat does not care.
My bank account needs month-to-month resuscitation.
Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe in chocolate.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Don't worry about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.
What if the Hokey Pokey is really what it's all about?
Does it scare you that you are looking for wisdom from a T-shirt?
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Jesus loves you, but I think you're a jerk.
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshiped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change ready.
There was a teacher getting ready for class and she was waiting for 3 boys to arrive.
The first boy comes in the class with no pants on but is wearing a t-shirt and undies.
The teacher ask" Where have you been?"
The boy says "I went on Blueberry Hill".
The second boy enters the class with no t-shirt on but is wearing pants and undies.
The teacher asks" Where have you been?"
The boy says "I went on Blueberry Hill?"
The third boy enters the class with no pants and undies but is wearing a t-shirt.
The teacher asks him " Where have you been?"
The boys says " I went on Blueberry Hill".
Now this girl enters the class with nothing on. The teacher says " I suppose you went on Blueberry Hill, right?"
And the girl says " No miss, I am Blueberry Hill".
'Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through the shack
Not a creature was stirrin', cept the lice on muh back.
The skoal cans wuz nailed to the screen door with care,
With hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
The children were sleepin', all snug in their beds,
While visions of tractor pulls danced in their heads.
And Ma in her nightgown all stained with pound cake.
Had just settled down to watch Ricki Lake.
When out in the driveway, a loud noise I heard,
I opened the winder to check muh T-bird.
I ran to the door, like I's on a mission,
But I tripped on some parts from muh granny's transmission.
The moon shone outside, the hound dog wuz barkin'.
Muh daughter weren't home yet, she wuz still out parkin'.
When what to muh whiskey blind eyes should I see
But a Chevy S-10, pulled by eight flyin' sheep.
With a fat nasty driver, so disgustin' and sick
I said "Shoot Fire!" That must be more...
The Top 9 Signs Your City Used Bribes to Become an Olympic Site9. IOC members seem unconcerned over scheduling conflicts due to the yachting, diving and swimming events all being held in the 34th Street YMCA pool. 8. All 75 of the new hires in the mayor's office are named either Ingrid or Sven. 7. After Philadelphia lands the Summer Games, Juan Antonio Samaranch sports a hood ornament that looks strangely like the Liberty Bell. 6. Only someone bribed with hookers and college tuition wouldn't think the term "New York City Hospitality Committee" is an oxymoron. 5. Karl Malone is now playing forward for the Utah Samaranches. 4. T-shirt for sale in the hotel lobby: "My dad went to Salt Lake City, and all I got was this T-shirt and college tuition." 3. "Miss Salt Lake" for 1999 requires a translator to deliver her coronation speech. 2. New Olympic mascots: Vinny and Knuckles. and the Number 1 Sign Your City Used Bribes to Become an Olympic Site... 1. The IOC more...
(in light of recent happenings in the legal/computer world)
New t-shirt design, for Apple employees:
Look and Feel
(c) 1988
(commercial rights reserved, of course :-)
What do you expect from such simple creatures!?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood, ALL the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can more...