Tank Jokes / Recent Jokes

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.
Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Chucktanium.
The Sherman tank was originaly called the Norris tank until Chuck Norris decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be more...

A man and his wife were driving on the North-South highway on his way from Johor Bahru to Penang. Looking at his fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next petrol station and fill up. About 15 minutes later, he spots a petrol station and pulls over to the high-octane pump. "What can I do for you?" asks the attendant. "Full tank of unleaded," replies the driver. While the attendant is filling up the tank, he's looking the car up and down. "What kind of car is this?" he asks. "I never seen one like it before." "Well," responds the driver, his chest swelling up with pride, "This, is the new Proton convertible." "What has got in it?" asks the attendant." Well," says the driver, "It has everything. It's loaded with power steering, power seats, power sun roof, power mirrors, AM/FM radio with a CD changer and VCD player in the trunk with 1000 watts per channel, 8 speaker stereo, rack and pinion steering, more...

"Step on 'er, boy! Yer only goin' 90."
"You can make it easy... that train's not coming fast."
"Gimme a match... I think my gas tank's empty."
"There's plenty of life left in those tires."
"No, we'll tune up the car in the garage so we can close the door and stay warm; the engine won't be running long."
"There's never any traffic at this intersection."
"No, truckers don't mind when you pass on the right (or tailgate to draft and save gas)."
"Don't go to a welding shop! I can fix that leak in your gas tank with my torch."
"Of course I can dial numbers and talk on my cell phone at the same time."
"No, no, all bungee cords look a little frayed."
"Motorcycles are supposed to wobble in turns."
"You don't need ski lessons; just follow me."
"Green means go, red means stop, yellow means go... very fast." more...

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves..."Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?" She said, "No?" "Well", he spoofed, "down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again."And she didn't laugh a bit!!! Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing.The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!"

A dentist was preparing to clean an elderly woman's teeth. Noticing that she appeared to be a little nervous, he began to tell her a story while he was putting on his rubber gloves.
"Do you know how these rubber gloves are made?" he asked.
"No I don't," she replied.
"Down in Mexico there is a big building set up with a large tank of latex," he spoofed. "The workers there are all picked according to hand size. Each worker goes up to the tank, dips their hands in and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets and dries right onto their hands. Then they peel off the gloves and deposit them in the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and begin the process all over again."
The woman didn't laugh at all! Five minutes into the cleaning procedure, the dentist had to stop because she burst out laughing.
"Oh my," the blushing woman exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!"

A man traveling in southern Indiana was headed for the Kentucky border. .. when he saw a large sign which read:

"LAST CHANCE FOR $2. 50 GAS!!!"

He still had more than a quarter of a tank left, but figured he'd better take advantage of this opportunity to fill-up his tank. As he was getting his change from the attendant, he asked, "How much is gas in Kentucky?"

The attendant replied, "$2. 40 ".

I think the war between the smokers and non-smokers is heating up a bit. I went into a restaurant for
lunch the other day and, as is my practice, requested a table in the ``no smoking'' section. They
seated me, and I went about the business of ordering and eating my food.
Somewhere between the clam chowder and a club sandwich, I caught the smell of nearby burning tobacco.
Upon looking around, I noticed the man in the booth next to me smoking a freshly lit cigarette.
Overcoming my natural reticence regarding confrontation, I spoke to the man. ``Excuse me, sir, but,
when you came in, did you ask to be seated in the no-smoking section?''
"Yes, I don't like the smell of smoke when I am eating any more than anyone else."
I asked, "Then why are you smoking that cigarette?"
"I've finished eating."
Silly me, it was obvious to the most casual observer.
I called the server over and made her aware of the more...