Taste Jokes / Recent Jokes

A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception. She brought in a variety of lifesavers and said, "Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these." The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher gave them honey-flavored lifesavers, all of the kids were stumped." I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It's something your mommy probably calls your daddy all the time." Instantly, one of the kids coughed his onto the floor and shouted,"Spit' em out, they're assholes!"

One day, 15 year old Christy came home from shopping with her Auntie Kim and Auntie Flo.
Christy says to her 6 year old sister, "Auntie Kim has bad taste, but Auntie Flo has good taste."
Her sister then says, "How do you know? Have you bitten them before?"

I understand that it would be considered 'bad taste' to introduce myself as Randy. eg "Hi, I'm randy"
Not bad taste, but rather on the forward side. The equivalent perhaps of "Hi, I'm horny". Guaranteed to go down well in parties.
By the way, I always felt that Randy Vanwarmer was a great name. It has descriptive possibilities as well as being a name.
PS when I was in college there was a guy with a name of Nick Childharmer. Guess he wouldn't get a Social Services job.

The Lieberman's invited The Gore's for dinner. The first course was set in front of them and the Joe announced, "This is Matzoh ball soup."
On seeing the 2 large Matzoh balls in the soup, Gore was hesitant to taste this strange looking brew. Gently, the Lieberman's pressed Gore, "Just have a taste. If you don't like it, you don't have to finish it."
Finally he agrees. He digs his spoon in, first picking up a small piece of Matzoh ball with some soup in the spoon, and tasting it gingerly. The usual mmmm sound can be heard coming from somewhere deep in his chest, and he quickly finished the soup.
"That was delicious," Al said. "Can you eat any other parts of the Matzoh?"

A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their
horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would
feel objects from pumice stones to pine cones and smell aromatic herbs
and exotic fruits.
Then one day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers, more
flavor than you could ever imagine. "Children, I'd like you to close
your eyes and taste these," announced the teacher. Without difficulty,
they managed to identify the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when
the teacher had them put honey flavored lifesavers in their mouths, every
one of the children was stumped.
"I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It's something your Daddy and
Mommy probably call each other all the time."
Instantly, one of the children spat the lifesaver out of his mouth and
shouted, "Spit' em out, you guys, they're assholes!"

Beers For Geeks
DOS Beer:
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz can, but now comes in a 16-oz can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2-oz each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.
MAC Beer:
At first, came only in a 16-oz can, but now comes in a 32-oz can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the waste bin.
Windows 95 Beer:
The world's most popular beer. Comes in a 16-oz can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own more...

The following is a description of a New Zealand wine taken straight from the bottle word for word. (Anyone who has tried it will know that it is a mild description).

PURPLE DEATH (that is really the name)

An unusual' Rough-as-Guts' aperitif that has the distinctive bouquet of horse-shit and old tram tickets. It is best drunk with the teeth clenched to prevent ingestion of any foreign bodies. Connoisseurs will savour the slight tannin taste of old tea leaves and burnt cat fur. Possessors of a cultivated palate will admire the initial assault on the taste buds which comes from the careful and loving blending of animal manure and perished jock straps strained through an old miner's sock. The maturing in small pigs' bladders gives it a very definite nose.

Marketed under the Saviour Brand (9 out of 10 people who drink it for the first time exclaim' Je-e-esus Chri-ist').

Caution: Keep away from' naked flames' (both old and new).

BOTTLED more...