Taste Jokes / Recent Jokes
Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open when drinking or glass being applied to wrong part
of face.
Solution: Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with
as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect.
Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; Beer unusually pale
and clear.
Fault: Glass is empty.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.
Symptom: Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Solution: Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling.
Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Loss of self-control.
Solution: Go and stand beside nearest dog - After a while complain to its
owner about its lack of house training.
Symptom: Bar blurred.
Fault: You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.
Symptom: Bar more...
In a biology class, the professor was discussing the
high glucose levels found in semen. A young female
freshman raised her hand and asked "If I understand,
you're saying there is a lot of glucose in male semen?"
"That's correct," responded the professor, going on to
add statistical info.
Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't
it taste sweet?" After a stunned silence, the whole class
burst out laughing.
The poor girl's face turned bright red; she picked up her
books without a word and walked out of class never to return.
As she was going out the door, the totally straight-faced
professor answered her question:
"It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds
for sweetness are on the TIP of your tongue!"
"The gene pool could use a little chlorine." "All generalizations are false." "Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine." "Time is what keeps everything from happening at once." "I love cats... they taste just like chicken""Out of my mind. Back in five minutes." "Seen on an old, beat-up car: "This is not an abandoned vehicle." "Forget the Joneses, I keep up with the Simpsons." "Born Free.. . . . Taxed to Death""Cover me. I'm changing lanes." "As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools""Happiness is a belt-fed weapon""The more people I meet, the more I like my dog." "Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot." "Conserve toilet paper, use both sides." "REHAB is for quitters""I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!""Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her more...
A catholic, a morman and an Arab were playing golf and bragging about their family.
The catholic boasted that he had 4 kids, his wife was pregnant and soon he would have his own basketball team.
The morman replied; "that's nothing, we have 10 kids. One more and I'll have a football team!!! "You guys have no vision" declared the Arab. "I have 17 wives, one more and I'll have my own 18-hole golf course!!!!"
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A hippie gets onto a bus and proceeds to sit next to a Nun in the front
seat. The Hippie looks over and asks the Nun if she would have sex with him.
The Nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next
stop.
When the bus starts on its way again, the bus driver says to the Hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how to get that Nun to have sex with you."
The Hippie, of course, says that he would love to know, so more...
Great A Hot & Juicy Story Well, I was loafin' around the salad bar at the burger stand one chili day on Coney Island, when I Frito-Lay'd my eyes on the sweetest little tomato I'd ever seen. Let's just say I could tell she wasn't gonna be ice-cold or taste like some of those cheaper spreads I'd eaten. So I mustard up my courage and I whispered, "Hey, Mama Bird! You got a sweet set of sesame-seed buns, and I'd live to bury my open-face in your McMuffin snack pack. And maybe later I could drive-in my Jumbo Jack in your Box. So, what's your name, anyway?" "Wendy," she replied, and said that her buns were always hot and fresh. Well, it seemed like an invitation to me, so I unzipped my French-fly, pulled down my hash-browns and whipped out my Quarter-Pounder. She took one look at my foot-long Weinerschnitzel and said, "Holy enchirito, what a Whopper! I haven't seen a sausage and a pair of McNuggets like that since I was in the sack with Long John Silver over at the more...
... a Food cooking show with a one female cannodate ready to taste the goods...
The first guy takes 20 minutes to prepare and 30 minutes to cook
The second guy takes 15 minutes to prepare and 35 minutes to cook...
The third guy takes 1 minute to prepare and doesnt bother cooking...
Now for the taste test
the first guy comes out and opens the dish, there are many potatoes filled with cheese... "Yummy"
the second guy comes out with a chicken brest and soup "Delicious!!!"
the third guy comes out with a piece of brocolli "Thats it?"... the guy replies... "Yeah but it tingles on the way down"
Blow job etiquette (by a woman)
1 - First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2 - Extension to rule #1- So if you get one, be grateful.
3 - I don't care what they did in the porn video you saw; it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.
4 - Extension to rule #3- No, I don't have to swallow.
My ears are not handles.
5 - Extension to rule #5- Do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really want puke on your dick?
6 - I don't care how relaxed you get, it is never ok to fart.
7 - Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" -get it through your head- I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just you can't have sex right now.
8 - Extension to #8- "blue balls" might have worked on high school girls- if you are that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my midol.
9 - If I have to pause to more...