Tattoos Jokes

A woman goes to a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that she would like to have a turkey tattooed on her right thigh, just below her bikini line. She also wants the words Happy Thanksgiving under the turkey.
The artist does what the woman wants and it comes out looking really good.
She thens tells him that she wants a Santa tattooed on her left thigh, just below her bikini line, with the words Merry Christmas under it.
The artist does what the woman wants and it turns out well too.
As she's getting dressed to leave, the artists says, "Lady, forgive me for asking, but why did you have me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?"
"Well, I'm sick and tired of my husband always complaining that there's nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!" she replies.

Contrary to popular belief Tattoos are not permanent.
They usually rot away a few days after you die.

Streaking will be permitted as follows: Female employees will streak on odd days - males on even days. On payday, all employees may streak, subject to the following:
1. Girls who have tattoos on the lower half of their bodies, such as' sock if to me' or' what you see is what you get' will not be permitted to streak, due to inspection regulations.
2. Men with tattoos, such as' let it all hang out' will not be permitted to streak. Also, men with tattoos of butterflies, roses, or elves will streak with females.
3. Girls with bust size larger than 36B must wear a bra while in file area, or around any Xerox machines. Girls smaller than 36B should not try to impress people by wearing a bra.
4. If you streak in any area where food is served, you must wear two hair nets. These will be available in the vending machine by the cafeteria.
5. In the event your physical make-up is such your sex cannot be determined, such as flat chest for girls, or long hair on boys, you more...

A woman walks into a tattoo parlour and asks' Do you do custom work?''Why of course!''Good. I'd like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of myright thigh, and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside ofmy left thigh.''No problem,' says the artist.' Strip from the waist down and getup on the table.'After two hours of hard work, the artist finishes. The woman sits up and examines the tattoos.'That doesn't look like them!' she complains loudly.'Oh yes it does,' the artist says indignantly,' and Ican prove it.' With that, he runs out of the shopand grabs the first man off the street he can find; it happens to be the town drunk.'Well, what do you think?' the woman asks, spreadingher legs.' Do you know who these men are?'The drunk studies the tattoos for a couple of minutesand says.' I'm not sure who the guys on either side are, but the fellow in the middle is definately Willie Nelson!'

Dear Dr. Verne:
I'm gonna be gittin' a tattoo removed from my most womanly bod. Being of the good redneck breeding that I'm is, I's worried about affectin' my good standing. I can offer you no better reason than my old man don't like me having my ex-old man's name writ on me, so I'ms getting rid of it.
Verne, please tell me straight: Am I getting woosified? Or should I replace the tattoo with his name?
- Worried in Des Moines
Dear Worried:
It all depends on which kinda tattoo you got. Now if you got the ex's name with the old rose on the ankle or the heart on the boob, I'd lose the damn thing. Ever since them sorority chicks named Tiffany started doing it, guys might figure you's an inferior yuppie babe which talks in that high chipmunk voice and you'll never get to growing your butt out to a decent size.
But if you got one of them giant serpents that covers your back, that's class. I'd keep that baby and just cross out the ex's name with some spray paint and more...