Tax Jokes / Recent Jokes
Rabbi Rabinovitz answers his phone. "Hello?" "Hello, is this Rabbi Rabinovitz?" "It is." "This is the IRS. Can you help us?" "I'll try." "Do you know Sam Cohen?" "I do." "Is he a member of your congregation?" "He is." "Did he donate $25,000 to the synagogue rebuilding fund last year?" "He will!"
If Microsoft Ran The IRS
"Government should be run like a business." We've all heard that chestnut. Here is how the Internal Revenue Service (nobody's favorite government agency) would be like, if only it were run like Microsoft Corp. (a successful private enterprise).
-- The IRS, as always, announces new tax forms will be mailed the week before the new year. However it will follow Microsoft's example and actually ship them the following May.
-- Responding to pressure from some large corporations and a users' group, some early copies of the tax forms will actually be released in March. The recipients must sign non-disclosure agreements.
-- In June, the forms will be recalled because the IRS loses a suit for appropriating some other country's intellectual property.
-- When you move, the IRS will continue to send mail to your previous address forevermore, just like Microsoft sends its product upgrade notices.
-- more...
New IRS Tax PolicyGOVERNMENT NOTICEJanuary 1, 1995To: All Male TaxpayersFrom: IRSRE: Notice of Increase in Tax Payment Form 1040PThe only thing the IRS has not yet taxed is your penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 20% of the time it is pissed off, 30% of the time it is hard up, and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of this, it has two dependents and both are nuts. Accordingly, starting January 1, 1995 your penis will be taxed according to it's size. To determine your category, please consult the chart below and confirm this information on page 2, section 7, line 3 of your standard 1040 form. * 12-10 inches --Luxury Tax --$50. 0010-8 inches --Pole Tax --$30. 008-6 inches --Privilege Tax --$15. 006-4 inches --Nuisance Tax --$5. 00Please Note:-Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a full refund. - * Males exceeding 12 inches must file for Capital Gains. Please do not request an extensionSincerely, Pecker CheckerInternal Revenue more...
On the first day of Christmas, my kitten ruined for me... A batch
of my special hand-print cookies.
I had turned my back to grab the cookie sheet sitting on the stove.
In that micro-second, Fluffy climbed onto the table, poked her paw
into the delightfully kneady mixture and, suddenly off-balance,
fell into the cookie dough. Net loss? Six cups of flour, four cups
of sugar, three sticks of butter. Of course, it would have been
cheaper to remove the feline ingredient, pick out the hairs, and
just rename the recipe Paw Print Cookies.
On the second day of Christmas, my kitten accompanied me.... On a
trip to the vet clinic.
Who knew that skinny curling ribbon has feline taste appeal? I
didn't. Damages? $28 for the office visit, $36 for anesthesia so
the veterinarian could take $55 X-rays in case Fluffy had taste-
tested any other Christmas decorations, and a heck of a lot of
embarrassment more...
REVENUE CANADA *T1-SIMPLIFIED TAX FORM
New Simplified Tax Form for 2000 Taxes
1. How much money did you make in 2000?
2. Send it to us.
IN Japan a thief not only goes to jail but also has to pay thieves' tax charged under the item Miscellaneous Income. It is suggested to the Finance Minister to follow the Japanese practice, as India has more than its quota of thieves in all professions - politics, law, medicine, industry - you name it, we have them.
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300° C. The Russians use a pencil.