Tax Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Top 10 Things Overheard In A Tax Preparer`s Office Prior To The Tax Filing Deadline

No sir, the government does not want you to pay your taxes in pennies.

I have a hard time believing that a garbage collector made $150, 000 last year so for the last time, DID YOU HAVE ANY OTHER SOURCE OF INCOME!!!

How cute... a tax form done in crayon.

No sir, its do your taxes every year and renew your driver`s license every 4 years, not the other way around.

Just because you talk to your plants ma`am, you cannot, repeat CANNOT list them as your dependants.

No Ms Lewinsky, your oval office "contributions" are not the same as when you check the dollar box at the top of your 1040 form.

Even if you are a hooker, the number of orgasms you`ve had cannot count as a business expense.

I`m sorry, I`m not sure I follow your "Give me an extension and I`ll give you an extension later at my place" more...

An unnamed source is also reporting that the Portuguese water dog Obama picked for the White House owes back taxes for money won in three 2006 dog shows.

A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag.
“Our flag symbolizes our taxes, ” he said. “We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them. ”
“That’s the same with us, ” the American said, “only we see stars, too. ”

Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

When you're swimming in the creek, and an eel bites your cheek, that's a moray!

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.

My Christmas Wish

If I had 1 wish this Christmas, it would be for all the children of the
world to join together in peace and love and sing in harmony.

If I had 2 wishes this Christmas, it would be for
1. All the Children of the world to sing together
2. $1, 000, 000 tax free

If I had 3 wishes this Christmas
1. Kids singing together
2. $1, 000, 000 tax free per year for life
3. To have all encompassing power over the universe

If I had 4 wishes this Christmas
1. The crap about the kids
2. $1, 000, 000
3. All encompassing power
4. 1 extended orgasm to last 30 days, brought about by 2 super models
and, of course, my spouse

Let's face it, the logistics of getting all those kids together is impossible.
So, let's rearrange

1. All encompassing power
2. The orgasm
3. The money

OHHH!! I forgot to strike down my enemies. Okay, so we add that more...

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich!

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Some people are like a Slinky..... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

A Italian businessman on his deathbed called his good friend and said, "Luigi, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated.""And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?"The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the IRS...and write on the envelope,' Now you have everything.'"