Taxi Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: How many London taxi drivers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: What? Go all the way up there and come back empty? You must be jokin mate!
A couple was going out for the evening. The last thing they did was to put the cat out.
The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of the house, the cat shoots back in. So the husband goes back inside to chase it out.
The wife, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explained to the taxi driver "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."
A few minutes later, the husband got into the taxi and said, "Sorry I took so long, the stupid thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"
A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up
over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, "Please,
don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me."
The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't
realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the
driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my
first day driving a cab, I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.
Japan meters
Japanese tourist arrived in New Delhi. While travelling a taxi, he happened
to observe that everything in India moved at a slower pace compared to his own
country. Unable to contain himself, he said to the taxi driver, "Your taxis
are slow, Japanese taxis go very fast. Look at your buses, They ply at snail's
pace. In Japan buses run like hell. Look at speed of your Motor cycles, Japan
motor cycles seem to talk to air". At the end of Journey, the taxi fare
amounted to Rs 100/-.
What! exclaimed the furious Japanese. "Your meter runs too fast".
"Yes, Why not? ", said the taxi driver. "It's after all made in Japan, Sir! ".
A blonde and her brunette friend were talking. The blonde says, "I hate all the blonde jokes people say.""Oh, they are only jokes. There are a lot of stupid people out there. Here I'll prove it to you," replies her brunette friend.So they went outside and hailed a taxi driver."Please take me to 29 Nickle Street to see if I'm home," said the brunette.The taxi drove them and when they finally got out the brunette looked at the blonde and said, "See, that guy was really stupid.""No kidding," replies the blonde. "There was a pay phone just around the corner. You could have called instead."
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, of Noo Yawk City."St. Peter consults his list.He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn.He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Calvary for the last forty-three years."St Peter consults his list.He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.""Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?""Up here, we more...
A Priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.
Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses him, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you into the Kingdom of Heaven? "
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, from New York. "
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven. "
Now it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am the Right Reverend Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest,"Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven. "
"Just a minute," says the priest. "That man was a taxi driver. Why does he get a silken robe and golden staff?"
"Results," more...