Taxi Jokes / Recent Jokes
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much." The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years.
A couple was going out for the evening. They'd gotten ready - all dolled up, cat put out, etc.
The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of their home, the cat shoots back into the house.
Not wanting their often rowdy cat to have free run of the house while they were out, the husband went back upstairs to chase the cat out.
The wife, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explained to the taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."
A few minutes later, the husband got into the cab, and said, "Sorry I took so long. Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?" The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, of Noo Yawk City." Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven." The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years." Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven." "Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this more...
A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.' Come with me', said St. Peter to the taxi driver. The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an olympic size pool.' Wow, thank you', said the taxi driver. Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.' Wait, I think you are a little mixed up', said the priest.' Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God's word.'' Yes, that's true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed.'
One dismal rainy night, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley halfway down the block. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door. Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat. "Where to?" he stammered. "Union Station," answered the woman. "You got it," he said, taking another long glance in the mirror. The woman caught him staring at her and asked, "Just what the hell are you looking at, driver?" The driver replies, "Well ma'am, I noticed that you're completely naked, and I was just wondering how you'll pay your fare." The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, "Does this answer your question?" Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, "Got anything smaller?"
How do you get three elephants in a taxi?One in the front next to the driver, and two in the back. How do you know there is an elephant in your house?There's a taxi outside with two impatient elephants. How do you know there is an elephant in your refrigerator?There's a taxi outside it with two impatient elephants. And what if you don't notice the taxi?There are footprints in the butter. How do you get an elephant into the refrigerator?Open the door, put in the elephant, close the door. How do you get two elephants in the refrigerator?Open the door, put in the first elephant, then put in the second elephant, then close the door. How do you get six elephants in the refrigerator?Put three elephants in a taxi, put three elephants in another taxi, then put the two taxis in the fridge. Why are there so many elephants running loose in Africa?Not enough refrigerators.
your mama so fat she put on her yellow coat and start walking everyone start yelling taxi!