Taxi Jokes / Recent Jokes
A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, "Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me." The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab, I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.
Q: How many London taxi drivers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: What? Go all the way up there and come back empty? You must be jokin' mate!
A taxi driver goes to a bar to pick up his fare, a really drunk guy who has been in the bar way too long.
After giving directions back to his house, he and the taxi driver are talking.
The drunk guy leans forwards and says, "Hey taxi-dude! Think you got enough room in the front for a case of beer and a couple of chicken burgers?"
Taxi guy says "Sure! Not a problem."
"Some french fries and some meat loafs?"
"Not a problem, sir," Taxi guy replied.
The drunk guy goes, "BLLLLEEEEEECCCHHHHH!"
A taxi driver was driving along when a nun called him over. She stepped into the taxi and said, "145 Graysons Lane, please." As he took off to reach the destination, he kept looking back into the back seat where the nun was.
She said," Why what's the matter young man?"
The taxi driver replied, "I'm sorry. I mean I'm Catholic and everything, but I've always wanted to kiss a nun."
So the nun said," Well pull over young man. I'm not supposed to, but a girl can sin every once in a while. You only live once."
So, the taxi driver pulled over and gave her a big wet one. They set off again. The taxi driver kept looking back again, so she asked him what was the matter.
He said," I lied to you. I'm not Catholic and I never wanted to kiss a nun."
She said, "Why that's okay," as they pulled into the driveway,"I lied to you too."
The taxi driver said, "What!?!"
As she got out of the car more...
A taxi driver, driving a Mercedes-Benz, picked up a rather simple looking fellow at the airport one day.
When the gentleman got in and they started on their way he enquired what the three pinned emblem on the front was for. The driver replied, "Why, it's for lining it up at people so you can run them down."
"Ah, I see," said the man.
With this the taxi driver starts heading straight for an elderly woman but at the last second swerves away. He hears a loud bang, he looks curiously over at the passenger who is hanging out of the car with the door wide open: "I thought you were going to miss there for a minute!"
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to
ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of
the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and
stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second
everything went quiet in the cab, then the
driver said "
Look mate, don't ever do that again. You
scared the daylights out of me!"
> > >
The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that
a little tap could scare him so much.
The driver replied "
Sorry, it's not really your fault.
Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been
driving hearses for the last 25 years!"
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."