Tea Jokes / Recent Jokes

Many years ago a Kentucky grandmother gave a new bride the following recipe for washing clothes....

1. Bilt fire in backyard to heat kettle of rain water.
2. Set tubs so smoke wont blow in eyes if wind is pert.
3. Shave one hole cake of lie soap in bilin water.
4. Sort things, make 3 piles. 1 pile white, 1 pile colored, 1 pile work britches and rags.
5. To make starch, stir flour in cool water to smooth, then thin down with bilin water.
6. Take white things, rub dirty spots on board, scrub hard, and then bile. Rub colored, don't bile, just rinch and starch.
7. Take things out of kettle with broomstick handle, then rinch, and starch.
8. Hang old rags on fence.
9. Spread tea towels on grass.
10. Pore rinch water in flower bed.
11. Scrub porch with hot soapy water.
12. Turn tubs upside down.
13. Go put on clean dress, smooth hair with hair combs. Brew cup of tea, sit and rock a spell and count your more...

1. Binglish (for Bombay_English).

2. Bhindi (for Bombay_Hindi)

3. This list is perpetually incomplete since the evolution of this language can never possibly cease.

4. Bhindi/Binglish: Pronunciations are in brackets following the words.

5. Chikna - Stands for any good looking fellow. Chikna actually means smooth.

6. Keeda - An absolute pest.

7. Jhakaas - Superb. Excellent.

8. Haila! - This originated from "Hai Allah! " but I don't think 99% of the users know about this. Haila would translate to "Oh God!"

9. ChappanTikkli/Punter/Tapori/Shana - Roadside loafer. Tapori is among the most commonly used words in Bhindi.

10. Bevada / Gutter / Taankee / Batli / JohnnyWalker - A Drunk.

11. Saand - A boisterous or an exceeding brash guy.

12. Chotay - For any kid working in a Tapri. If the shop has more than one kid all would have to be more...

Last month I heard an item on the radio about a Martha Stewart Thanksgiving, which costs a mere $23, 000. That got me to thinking about what Martha Stewart really gives for Christmas presents? So, here it is, ladies and gentlemen:
On the first day of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
a baked partridge in some pear sauce.
On the second day of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
two English plum puddings
and a partridge in some pear sauce.
On the third day of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
three French chocolates
two English plum puddings
and a partridge in some pear sauce.
On the fourth of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
four Baked Alaskas
three French chocolates
two English plum puddings
and a partridge in some pear sauce.
On the fifth day of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
five cups of herbal tea,
four Baked Alaskas
three French chocolates
two English plum more...

A priest who went into the country to pay a visit to a 92 year old church member whom he had not seen for many years. She welcomed him into the parlor. While she made tea, he looked around and saw a beautiful oak pump organ with a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was half filled with water and a condom was floating on top of it. Astonished and shocked, he quickly turned away. But after tea curiosity got the best of him and he asked her about it.

'Oh yes,' she said enthusiastically.' While in town last year I found a package on the sidewalk. The directions on the back said' keep wet and put on your organ to prevent disease. And you know, I think it works. I haven't had a cold all winter'

Barbie
c/o Mattel, Inc.
El Segundo, CA 90245

Santa Claus
North Pole, North Pole
December 23, 1996
Dear Santa:
Listen you ugly little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas
Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many
tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had
better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and
trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list for 1998:

Santa:
1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker.
How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels
like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. more...

It was a summer day in Sweden. I went in to a indien teashop to drink some thing. A waiter came and asked:
Waiter: What would you like to have fruit juice, soda, tea, chocolate, milo or coffee?
Answer: Tea please
Waiter: Ceylone tea, herbal tea, bush tea, hony tea, ice tea or green tea?
Answer: Ceylone tea.
Waiter: How would you like it? black or white?
Answer: White.
Waiter: Milk, whitener or condensed milk?
Answer: with milk.
Waiter: Goat milk, camel milk or cow milk.
Answer: with cow milk please.
Waiter: Milk from freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?
Answer: I will take it black.
Waiter: Whould you like it with sweetener, sugar or hony?
Answer: With sugar.
Waiter: Beet sugar or cane sugar?
Answer: Cane sugar.
Waiter: White, brown or yellow sugar?
Answer: m.. mmm.. I forget about tea just give me a glass of water insted.
Waiter: Mineral water or still water?
Answer: Mineral more...

What did they do at the Boston Tea Party? I don't know, I wasn't invited!