Tea Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man who had asked his guest to stay for a cup of tea sent his servant to borrow some tea leaves from his neighbor. He ate two grain cakes each morning before going out to work. The cakes made him a bit tipsy every morning. One day he met a friend who asked: "Did you drink some wine this morning?" "No. No. I only had some grain cakes for breakfast, that's all." He replied. When he told his wife about this after returning home, his wife said: "You should have told him that you did have some wine just to keep up the appearance." So, the other day when the poor man met his same friend again and the friend asked the same question, the poor man replied that he did have some wine. His friend continued to ask: "Did you have hot wine or cold wine?" "It was baked." The poor man said. His friend burst into laughter and said: "You had no wine but your old grain cakes!!" When the poor man's wife learnt about it, she shouted at the poor more...
A fellow, who had spent his whole life in the desert, comes to visit a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the railroad tracks one day, he hears this whistle -- Whooee da Whoee! -- but doesn't know what it is. Predictably, he's hit and is thrown to the side of the tracks. It was only a glancing blow, so he was fortunate to receive some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.
After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party one evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the tea kettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the tea kettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the desert man,' Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?'
The desert man replies,' Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small.'
Dear Santa:
Listen you ugly little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas
Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many
tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had
better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and
trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list for 1998:
Santa:
1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker.
How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels
like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to
cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like more...
Hiya lang lui!
Hi lang jai!
Want to ride in my Honda?
Sure lang jai!
Jump in!
*I'm a Chinese girl, in a Chinese world
Eating wonton, it's perfection
I have light brown hair, Sanrio everywhere
Frustration, in my generation.
Come on bb, let's go drink tea.
I'm a Chinese girl, in a Chinese world
Playing mahjong, nothing is wrong
I have tons of flares, tight shirts everywhere
Looking cocky, just can't stop me.
I'm Chinese, Asian girl, in a white-people world
Egg foo young, just for fun, I do laundry.
You're so tall, Chinese doll, eat some jook and chow mein,
No FOBS here, egg rolls there, fortune cookie.
Eat cha siu, eat bok choi, you can say I love Sam's club.
Repeat *
Come on bb, let's go drink tea.
Ai ai ai yah.
Come on bb, let's go drink tea.
Ooh ooh
Make me cook, make me clean, do whatever is mean
I can do more...
Remember the tea kettle, though up to its neck in hot water, it continues to sing.
Waiter: "Tea or coffee, gentlemen?" 1st customer: "I'll have tea." 2nd customer: "Me, too - and be sure the glass is clean!" (Waiter exits, returns) Waiter: "Two teas. Which one asked for the clean glass?"