Tea Jokes / Recent Jokes

A hippy walks into a Bar and Grill. The waiter comes up to him and asks him if he wants anything. So the Hippy says' Yeah a cheeseburger. Not too well done, not to rare, but right in the groove.' So the waiter brings his burger and asks if he wants anything to drink. He says' A cup of tea. Not too hot, not too cold, but right in the Groove.' The waiter's kinda getting pissed now, but he brings the tea and kinda slams it on the table. Little while later the waiter comes back and asks the Hippy if he wants any dessert. He says' Yeah some ice cream. Not too chocolate, not too vanilla, but right in the Groove.' So the waiter says' Why don't you kiss my ass. Not the right cheek, not the left cheek, but right in the Groove!'

This is a specially formulated diet, designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day

BREAKFAST
1 Grapefruit
1 Slice whole wheat toast
1 cup skim milk

LUNCH
Small portion lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Chocolate biscuit

AFTERNOON TEA
The rest of the biscuits in the packet
1 tub of Rocky Road Ice Cream with Choc-Ice Topping
1 jar Nutella

DINNER
4 bottles of red wine
2 loaves Garlic Bread
1 family size Supreme Pizza
3 Snickers bars

LATE NIGHT SNACK
Whole frozen Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room.
She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated of all things a condom!
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.
"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place more...

Dad bought Mum a bone-china tea set for her birthday. How lovely! Yes, but he only did it so as not to have to do the washing-up. Mum's too frightened he'll break it!

A university professor went to visit a famous Zen master. While the master quietly served tea, the professor talked about Zen. The master poured the visitor's cup to the brim, and then kept pouring. The professor watched the overflowing cup until he could no longer restrain himself. "It's overfull! No more will go in!" the professor blurted. "You are like this cup," the master replied, "How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup."

People's reactions to this story:
"You cannot learn anything if you already feel that you know."
"Preconceived ideas and prejudices always prevent us from seeing the truth."
"You should open your mind before you open your mouth."
"The master is trying to tell him to ease back and relax. The professor is too anxious about the whole thing."
"Some people want to be taught everything in one sitting. It's not possible."
"This more...

Customer: Waiter, is this supposed to be coffee or tea?

Waiter: What does it taste like?

Customer: It tastes like gasoline!

Waiter: Well, sir, that would be the coffee. The tea tastes like turpentine.

"Grandma, why dont you drink tea anymore?" "I dont like it ever since that tea bag got stuck in my throat."