Teaching Jokes / Recent Jokes
A priest is teaching a nun how to swim and the nun says to the priest "Will I really sink if you take your finger out?"
The nun was teaching social studies to a class of young girls. As their weekend homework, she told the girls to do a good deed and report back on Monday.On Monday morning, the first girl reported that she had bought food for a homeless person. A second girl was proud that she had seen someone drop a twenty dollar bill, and she had returned it to it's owner... Another girl had spent a few hours reading to a blind person...A group of four girls said they had helped an old lady cross the street...The teacher stopped them at that point. "That's very nice," said the teacher, "but why did it take four of you?""Well," said one of the four, "she didn't seem to want to cross the road too badly."
Teaching The teacher had given the class an assignment. He stresses the importance of this particular assignment, and that no excuses will be accepted except illness (with a medical certificate) or a death in the immediate family (with a note from that member). A smart-ass student pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?" The class breaks up laughing, and when they settle down the teacher responds with: "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand."
10 sentences teachers say (and their true meanings)
1. This book is very commonly used
(I also studied from it 40 years ago)
2. It's important to understand what the material means in general
(I'm not good with details)
3. Some might say...
(My guess is...)
4. The answer to that question is not in the syllabus
(I don't know the answer to your question)
5. We'll discuss that question next week
(I don't know the answer to your question)
6. I'll let you search in the dictionary and find out
(I don't know how to spell that word)
7. Some of you could have succeeded more in the test
(You all failed)
8. Are there any questions about the material we learned last lesson?
(Did any of you review the material as I asked?)
9. Today we'll split up into small studying groups
(I don't feel like teaching today so keep yourselves busy)
10. The homework is due on Monday
(Ruining your weekend is the only fun I have left in more...
Note: This is an extract of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.
Interviewer: ” So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base? ”
General reinwald: We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting. ”
Interviewer: “Shooting! that’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it? ”
General reinwald: “I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the rifle range. ”
Interviewer: “Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children? ”
General reinwald: “I don’t see how, …. we will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm. ”
Interviewer: “But you’re equipping them to become violent killers. ”
General more...
The Unofficial Manual for Graduate Teaching Assistants Teaching Introductory Computer Science Courses for Non-majors LATE HOMEWORK When a student turns in his/her project two weeks late and asks for full credit, accept the late work and tell them that it will be awarded full credit. However, do inform them that you will not have time to grade it until after you complete your Ph.D. DISRUPTIVE STUDENTS 1. If students will not stop talking when the class period begins, announce that there will be a quiz the following day on today's lecture. Then leave. 2. If your students are prone to reading the school paper in class, try taking out a full page ad in the paper informing them that they are going to flunk your class. LECTURES 1. In the event that you are unprepared for a lecture, be sure to use the class time to stress to the class the importance of keeping up with the readings. In fact, spend most of the class time stressing this. 2. When the time comes to lecture on a subject you know more...
Manel had just completed her English teacher training program and was appointed to a remote school south of Sri Lanka. After some months of teaching one fine morning she was taking a reading class. Whilst the seesion was on she suddenly noticed the national clad education officer (who likes to enter into young female teachers classes) making a brief apperance in her class room.
Impressed with the fine naration of the passage by the rural students and itching for a chat with the young lady the officer stretched his arms and asked her.
'LET ME SEE YOUR PASSAGE, MISS"
The teacher falter a bit and to the amusement of those present thus said
"SIR, IT IS NOT APPROPRIATE LET YOU SEE MY PASSAGE NOW"
Having realized the lingusitic blunder he made the EO made a quick exit promising to pass her in her viva voce.