Tear Jokes / Recent Jokes

A political activist named Dave was just arriving in Hell, and was
told he had a choice to make. He could go to Capitalist Hell or to
Communist Hell.
Naturally, Dave wanted to compare the two, so he wandered over to
Capitalist Hell. There outside the door was Rockerfeller, looking bored.
"What's it like in there?" asked Dave. "Well," he replied, "In
Capitalist Hell, they flay you alive, boil you in oil, chain you to a
rock and let a vulture tear your liver out, and cut you up into small
pieces with sharp knives."
"That's terrible!!" gasped Dave. "I'm going to check out Communist
Hell!" He went over to Communist Hell, where he discovered a huge line
of people waiting to get in; the line circled around the lobby seven
times before receding off into the horizon. Dave pushed his way through
to the head of the line, where he found Karl Marx busily signing people
in. Dave asked Karl more...

A grizzley bear can tear through trees like a Jewish mother through self-esteem.

We polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
A farm can produce produce.
The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.
The soldier decided to desert in the desert.
The present is a good time to present the present.
At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
The dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance for the invalid was invalid.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes.
I had to subject the subject to a series of more...

At 3am a wife wakes up and notices that her husband is not in bed. So, she goes downstairs to look for him and finds him sitting at the kitchen table, with a big tumbler of scotch in front of him. After he takes a drink, she notices that he wipes away a tear from his eye. She rushes to his side, kneels down beside him, holding his hand she says, "hony, what is wrong"?. He says, "do you remember when we started dating when you were sixteen years old"?. The wife replys, yes. He says, "do you remember when your dad caught us having sex in the back of my car"?. The wife replys, yes. He says, "do you remember when your dad stuck that shotgun in my face and told me that I either marry you or he would have me put in jail for twenty years"?. "yes, I remember that too, says the wife. The husband takes another drink, wipes away another tear, looks her in the eye and says, "well, I would have gotten out today".

Multi-national personnel at North Atlantic Treaty Organization headquarters
near Paris found English to be an easy language... until they tried to
pronounce it. To help them discard an array of accents, the verses below
were devised. After trying them, a Frenchman said he'd prefer six months
at hard labor to reading six lines aloud. Try them yourself.
ENGLISH IS TOUGH STUFF
======================
Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say more...