Tech Jokes / Recent Jokes
Compaq is considering changing the command “Press Any Key” to “Press Return Key” because of the flood of calls asking where the “Any” key is.
Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes.
A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.
Another Dell customer called to say he couldn’t get his computer to fax anything.
After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the “send” key.
A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it “couldn’t find printer. ” The user has also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer but that his computer still couldn’t “see” the printer.
True story from a Novell Net Wire Sysop:
Caller: “Hello, is this Tech Support? more...
Tech Support: "How may I help you today, sir?" Customer: "Hello...hey, er...I think I've got the wrong software installed in my computer." Tech Support: "Why is that, sir?" Customer: "I bought this minitower system from you, and it came loaded with software called the' XYZ Desktop'." Tech Support: "Yes...?" Customer: "Shouldn't it be called the' XYZ Minitower'? I OBVIOUSLY have the wrong software installed in this computer."
Diary of an AOL User July 18 - I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard it is thebest online service I can get. They even included a free disk! I'd betterhold onto it in case they don't ever send me anther one! I can't connect.I don't know what is wrong.July 19 - Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs amodem. I don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he thinkI am? July 22 - I bought the modem. I couldn't figure out where it goes. It wouldn'tfit in the monitor or the printer. I'm confused.July 23 - I finally got the modem in and hooked up. that nine year old nextdoor did it for me. But it still don't work. I cant get online.July 25 - That nine year old kid next door hooked me up to America Onlinefor me. He's so smart. I told the kid he was a prodigy. But he says that'sjust another service. What a modest kid. He's so smart and he does theseservices for people. Anyway he's smarter then the jerks who sold me themodem. They didn't even more...
You Might Be Addicted to AOL if...
... Tech Support calls "You" for help.... Someone at work tells you a joke and you say LOL... You have called out someone's screen name while making love to your significant other.... You keep begging your friends to get an account so "we can hang out"... you have to get a second phone line just so you can call Domino's... you've ever typed "drinking on AOL is better than drinking alone"... you have a vanity car tag with your screen name on it... you no longer type with proper punctuation, capitalization, or complete sentences... you begin to say heh heh heh instead of laughing... when someone says "What did you say?" you reply "Scroll up!"... you sneak away to the computer in the middle of the night when your spouse is asleep.... you know more about your AOL friends daily routines than you do your own family's.... you lie to others about your time on-line and when they complain that your phone more...
Diary of an AOL User.
July 18 - I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard it is
the best online service I can get. They even included a free disk! I'd
better hold onto it incase they don't ever send me anther one! I
can't connect. I don't know what is wrong.
July 19 - Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a
modem. I don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he
think I am?
July 22 - I bought the modem. I couldn't figure out where it goes. It
wouldn't fit in the monitor or the printer. I'm confused.
July 23 - I finally got the modem in and hooked up. that nine year old
next door did it for me. But it still don't work. I cant get online.
July 25 - That nine year old kid next door hooked me up to America
Online for me. He's so smart. I told the kid he was a prodigy. But he
says that's just another service. What a modest kid. He's so smart and
he does these services for people. more...
You Might Be Addicted to AOL if... Tech Support calls "You" for help... Someone at work tells you a joke and you say LOL... You have called out someone's screen name while making love to your significant other... You keep begging your friends to get an account so "we can hang out"... you have to get a second phone line just so you can call Domino's... you've ever typed "drinking on AOL is better than drinking alone"... you have a vanity car tag with your screen name on it... you no longer type with proper punctuation, capitalization, or complete sentences... you begin to say heh heh heh instead of laughing... when someone says "What did you say?" you reply "Scroll up!"... you sneak away to the computer in the middle of the night when your spouse is asleep... you know more about your AOL friends daily routines than you do your own family's... you lie to others about your time on-line and when they complain that your phone was busy you more...
The tech support problem dates back to long before the industrial revolution, when primitive tribesmen beat out a rhythm on drums to communicate:This fire help. Me GroogMe Lorto. Help. Fire not work.You have flint and stone?UghYou hit them together?UghWhat happen?Fire not work(sigh) Make spark?No spark, no fire, me confused. Fire work yesterday.*sigh* You change rock?I change nothingYou sure?Me make one change. Stone hot so me soak in stream so stone not burn Lorto hand. Small change, shouldn't keep Lorto from make fire.*Grabs club and goes to Lorto's cave**WHAM*WHAM*WHAM*WHAM*