Tech Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Networkologist's Christmas"'Tis the night before Christmas," I thought with a frown. I was stuck at the office. The network was down. The routers were hung in the closet. All crashed. Their tables had holes in their data. All trashed.Remote distribution, it seems, just for fun, Had erased DLLs Windows needed to run On 84 desktops way down in accounting. I sat stunned at my desk, my blood pressure mounting.When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter, I saw that a server had something the matter. There was smoke coming out of the main hard disk drive. "No problem," I thought. "I'm set up with RAID5."But I found out the system I thought was unstoppable Had disk drives that turned out completely unswappable! "No problem," I thought. "I've tape backup to thank." And then I discovered my backups were blank.The UPS burped, and its lights all went out. I started to scream! I started to shout! But nobody heard as I vented my rage. My more...

So you think you're computer-illiterate?
1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labelled the diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.
4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.
5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in more...

An exasperated caller to Tech Support couldn't get her new computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

' Newbie computer user questions'

1. Compaq is considering changing the command' Press Any Key' to' Press Return Key' because of the many calls asking where the' Any' key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble- shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes by rolling them into a typewriter to type on them.

4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with xeroxed copies of the floppies.

5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and more...

Another customer called Tech Support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"

Customer: I’m trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn’t work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech sup: OK, you’ve got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer: Yeah….
Tech sup: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven’t got a computer. It’s in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen…..
Tech sup: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!

Customer: "I installed Windows 98 on my computer, and it doesn't work." Tech Support: "Ok, what happens when you turn on your computer?" Customer: "Boy, are you listening? I said it doesn't work." Tech Support: "Well, what happens when you TRY to turn it on?" Customer: "Look, I'm not a computer person. Talk regular English, not this computer talk, ok?" Tech Support: "Ok, let's assume your computer is turned off, and you just sat down in front of it, and want to use it. What do you do?" Customer: "Don't talk like I'm stupid, boy. I turn it on." Tech Support: "And then what happens?"
Customer: "What do you mean?" Tech Support: "Does anything appear on your monitor? I mean, the TV part." Customer: "The same thing I saw last time I tried." Tech Support: "And that is what?" Customer: "Are you sure you know what you're doing?" Tech Support: "Yes, sir. more...