Tech Jokes / Recent Jokes

'Hello. Tech Support; may I help you?' 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'

'What sort of trouble?' 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'

'Went away?' 'They disappeared.'

'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?' 'Nothing.'

'Nothing?' 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'

'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?' 'How do I tell?'

[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.] 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?' 'What's a sea-prompt?'

[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.] 'Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?' 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'

[Ah--at least s/he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem. I wonder if s/he's kicked out his/her monitor's power plug?]

'Does your monitor have a power indicator?' 'What's a more...

Any time you feel dumb, don`t worry. Check out the following excerpts from a "Wall Street Journal" article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you.

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the many calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn`t read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes by rolling them into a typewriter to type on them.

4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived more...

REAL STORIES OF THE NON-TECHNICAL

    I called a company and asked to speak to Bob.   The person whoanswered said, "Bob is on vacation.   Would you like to hold?"
    I worked with an individual who plugged theirpower strip back into itself and for the life of them could not understand why theircomputer would not turn on.
"Do you know anythingabout this fax-machine?"
"A little.   What'swrong?"
"Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient calledback to say all she received was a cover-sheet and a blank page.   I tried it again, and the same thing happened."
"How did you load the sheet?"
"It's a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn't want anyone else to read it byaccident. So I folded it so only the recipient could open it and read it."
    I recently saw a distraught young lady weepingbeside her car.   "Do you need some help?" I asked.
"I knew I should have more...

"Hello. Tech Support; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.] "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.] "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
[Ah--at least s/he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a more...

An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn''t get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on the foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer''s mouse.

"'Tis the night before Christmas," I thought with a frown.
I was stuck at the office. The network was down.
The routers were hung in the closet. All crashed.
Their tables had holes in their data. All trashed.
Remote distribution, it seems, just for fun,
Had erased DLLs Windows needed to run
On 84 desktops way down in accounting.
I sat stunned at my desk, my blood pressure mounting.
When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter,
I saw that a server had something the matter.
There was smoke coming out of the main hard disk drive.
"No problem," I thought. "I'm set up with RAID 5."
But I found out the system I thought was unstoppable
Had disk drives that turned out completely unswappable!
"No problem," I thought. "I've tape backup to thank."
And then I discovered my backups were blank.
The UPS burped, and its lights all went out.
I started to scream! I more...

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend5. 0 to Husband1. 0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend5. 0. In addition, Husband1. 0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance9. 9 but installed undesirable programs such as NFL5. 0 and NBA3. 0. Conversation8. 0 no longer runs and HouseCleaning2. 6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging5. 3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. - -Desperate***Dear Desperate, Keep in mind, Boyfriend5. 0 is an entertainment package, while Husband1. 0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command: C:/ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears6. 2. Husband1. 0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilty3. 0 and Flowers7. 0. But remember, overuse can cause Husband1. 0 to default to GrumpySilence2. 5, Happyhour7. 0 or Beer6. 1. Beer6. 1 is a very bad more...