Tees Jokes / Recent Jokes
A golfer was addressing his ball, getting ready to shoot.
Just as he was about ready to hit, a voice came over the p. a. system -
"Will the gentleman on the lady's tee please move back to the men's tee".
He looked up, looked back down and then resumed addressing the ball again.
The Voice again - "Will the Man on the Red tees PLEASE MOVE BACK to the White Tees?!"
He looked back at the starters shack and yelled,
"Will the IDIOT on the p. a. shut up so that the man on the lady's tee can hit his second shot"!
Joe is teeing off from the Back Tees. On his downswing
he realizes that his wife Mary is teeing up on the Red Tees
directly in his way. Unable to stop his swing he nails it and
hits her directly in the temple and kills her instantly.
.
A few days later Joe gets a call from the coroner regarding
her autopsy.
.
Coroner: "Joe, your wife seemed to have died from blunt
force trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and
hit her in the temple, is that correct?"
.
Joe: "Yes sir, that's correct"
.
Coroner: "Joe, I also found a golf ball wedged up her butt"
.
Joe: "Was it a Titleist Three?"
.
Coroner: "Yes, it was"
.
Joe: "That was my mulligan"
Three guys are golfing with the club pro. First guy tees off and hits a dribbler about 60 yards. He turns to the pro and says, "What did I do wrong?" The pro says, "Loft" The next guy tees off and hits a duck hook into the woods. He asks the pro,"What did I do wrong?" The pro says "Loft". The third guy tees off and hits a slice into a pond. He asks the pro, "What did I do wrong?" The pro says "Loft". As they're walking to their balls, the first guy finally speaks up. He says to the pro,"The three of us hit completely different tee shots, and when we asked you what we did wrong you answered the same exact answer each time. What is loft?" The pro says, "Lack of freaking talent."
Moses, Jesus and some' ol geezer are going to play a round of golf. Moses tees off, the ball goes right into the pond. No problem! Moses walks over parts the water and hits the ball again, where it lands about 1 foot from the first hole.
Jesus then tees off and the ball goes flying off to the left, hits a tree, then miraculously bounces to about 6 inches from the hole.
The' ol geezer steps up, tees off, the ball heads right for the pond, a huge bass jumps up grabs the ball in its mouth, suddenly an eagle swoops down, grabs the bass and flies over the green, the bass drops the ball and it rolls to just about 2 inches from the hole! All of a sudden a worm pops up and knocks the ball in. A hole in one.
Moses looks at Jesus and says, "You know, I really hate it when your DAD plays."
William and his girlfried were driving home after a round of golf, when she noticed some strange looking things had fallen out of his pocket onto the seat.
"Honey, what are those strange things that just fell out of your pocket?" she asked.
"Oh, those," he replied. "Those are called tees. I put my balls on them when I'm driving."
"Figures! Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer," she snapped.
A golfer was addressing his ball, getting ready to shoot.
Just as he was about ready to hit, a voice came over the p.a. system -
"Will the gentleman on the lady's tee please move back to the men's tee".
He looked up, looked back down and then resumed addressing the ball again.
The Voice again - "Will the Man on the Red tees PLEASE MOVE BACK to the White Tees?!"
He looked back at the starters shack and yelled,
"Will the IDIOT on the p.a. shut up so that the man on the lady's tee can hit his second shot"!
A golfer was addressing his ball, getting ready to shoot.Just as he was about ready to hit, a voice came over the p.a. system -"Will the gentleman on the lady's tee please move back to the men's tee".He looked up, looked back down and then resumed addressing the ball again.The Voice again - "Will the Man on the Red tees PLEASE MOVE BACK to the White Tees?!"He looked back at the starters shack and yelled,"Will the IDIOT on the p.a. shut up so that the man on the lady's tee can hit his second shot"!