Telescope Jokes

A mysterious X-shaped pattern of space debris seen by NASA's Hubble Space Telescope was probably two asteroids that collided, scientists said Tuesday. Scientists believe the collision happened when one of the asteroids suddenly accelerated. Scientists are calling the pattern of debris the Toyota Camry.

A good man passed away and went to heaven. He was greeted by St. Peter, who congratulated him and said he could have anything he wished.
The fellow requested something to eat and a telescope so that he could look around.
While eating the sandwich provided to him, he peered through the telescope down at the folks in hell and saw that they were feasting on prawns, chicken tikkas, mutton chops, karahi paneer and desserts.
"How come people down there are eating gourmet food?" He asked St. Peter. "I earned a place in heaven, but you gave me only a sandwich!"
"Well," replied St. Peter apologetically, "it doesn't pay to cook for just two."

Special 1-hour lenses from Lenscrafters now allow it to see really, REALLY, *REALLY* far.
SBTS (Shapely Buttocks Targeting System) enhances astronomers' lonely evenings.
New Super Big Gulp size cup holder and one of those little pine tree air fresheners.
When pointed toward earth, it can... HEY, YOU!!! IN THE RED SHIRT! STOP PICKING YOUR NOSE!
Bitchin' speaker stacks that blast "We Will Rock You" when orbiting over Iraq.
Special kaleidoscope attachment for when the acid kicks in.
After 3 years and over $50 million of troubleshooting, they finally removed the lens cap.
Warning on lens mirror now reads: "OBJECTS IN MIRROR ARE LIGHTYEARS CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR."
Gigantic Louisville Slugger installed to protect earth against asteroids.
"Toy Surprise" built into every new piece, for that day when they plummet to Earth.
By focusing huge magnifying glass, scientists can burn ants with pinpoint accuracy.
Much improved more...

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
150. Buy a telescope. Sit on your bed and look across the room at your roommate through the telescope. When you're not using the telescope, act like your roommate is too far away for you to see.

Two blondes were stranded on an iceberg with only a telescope. One of the blondes was looking through the telescope and said, ''We're saved! Look, it's the Titanic!''