Teller Jokes / Recent Jokes

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."
Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says $30,000. The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this." And he produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall. It's bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager; and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and reports: "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who more...

A frog goes into the bank and asks the teller for a loan. The teller tells the frog to see Mr. Paddywack, the loan officer.
Mr. Paddywack looks at the frog and says, "What do you have for collateral?"
The frog pulls out of his pocket a solid silver elephant.
Mr. Paddywack looks at the elephant and says, "I don't know. I'm going to have to ask Mr. Larson, the bank manager to approve this."
He goes into Mr. Larson's office and comes back.
Two minutes later, Mr. Larson comes out with the elephant and says, "It's a knick-knack Paddywack, give the frog a loan!"

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 6 year old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the construction crew - gems in the rough, all of them - more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks,and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a dollar. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the dollar pay she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When they got to the bank the teller was equally impressed with the story and asked the little girl how she had more...

Here are some easy lessons gleaned from the experiences of a number of would-be robbers.

PICK THE RIGHT BANK

You don't want to make the same mistake as the fellow in Anaheim, CA, who tried to hold up a bank that was no longer in business and had no money.



STUDY YOUR HISTORY

Don't try to stick up the First National Bank of Northfield, Minnesota. Jesse James tried it 111 years ago, and the townsfolk took just seven minutes to kill two and capture three of his gang. Nobody tried again until 1984, and the customers chased the guy down. They're tight with their dollar, those Minnesotans.



SPEAK TO THE RIGHT TELLER

One robber in Upland, CA, presented his note to the teller, and her father, who was in the next line, got all bent out of shape about it. He wrestled the guy to the ground and sat on him until authorities arrived.



DON'T SIGN YOUR DEMAND NOTE

Demand notes have more...

One day there was a woman who was about to have babies. She went to a fortune teller and the fortune teller said she would have twins - and they would be demons. The news somehow got on TV, so there were FBI agents and cops in the hospital room where the woman was going to give birth. They had guns ready to shoot the babies when they came out. One of the babies stuck his head out and saw what was going on. So he stuck his head back in and told his brother. After hearing what was going to happen the second brother said, "Let's go out the back way."
An ant and an elephant story "One day there was an ant and an elephant walking down a street.
The ant fell into a manhole so he looked up at the elephant and said "hey help me out", so the elephant lowered his dick and let the ant crawl out of the hole.
As they continued on with thier walk the elephant fell into a hole, he called out "hey ant help me out of this hole". The ant said okay, I'll more...

A frog walks into a bank and asks the teller, "Who do I talk to about getting a loan?" The teller shows him to the office of the loans manager, Ms. Patricia Black."I would like a loan for $20.00 to buy a new lily pad," the frog tells her."Do you have any collateral?" asks Ms. Black.The frog produces a small statuette of the Eiffel Tower with the inscription "Souvenir of Paris" engraved on the base. Unsure whether or not the object is worth the amount of the loan, she summons the bank manager.The manager inspects the trinket, nods his head, and says, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Black - give the frog a loan."

A miserable old man walked into the bank and yelled at the teller, "I want to open a damn checking account!" Astonished by his rudeness, the teller said, "Pardon me sir, I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"
"Listen up, dammit. I said I want to open a damn checking account immediately!" he snapped.
"I'm sorry sir, but we don't tolerate that type of language here," she said.
Upset by his behavior, the teller went to tell the manager about the situation. The manager accompanied her back to the old man and asked, "What appears to be the problem?"
"There's no fucking problem, dammit," said the man. "I just won $50 million in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account!"
"Oh, I see, sir," said the manager, with a grin, "and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"