Temperature Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dr. Schlambaugh, a senior lecturer at the Chemical Engineering Department,University of Oklahoma, is known for posing questions on final exams like: "Why do airplanes fly?" In May a few years ago, the "Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer " exam paper contained the question: "Is Hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof." Most students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or similar. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we must postulate that if souls exist, they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls also must have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it does not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some religions say that if you
are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. more...

CAT v.6.1b: Completely Autonomous Tester, Manufactured by MOMCAT
User Installation and Maintenance Documentation:
Features:
User Friendly
Low Power CPU
Self Portable Operation
Dual Video and Audio Input
Audio Output
Auto Search Capability for Input Data
Auto Search for Output Bin
Auto Learn Program in ROM
Instant Transition To Energy Saving Standby Mode When Not In Use
Wide Operating Temperature Range
Mouse Driven
Self Cleaning
Production Details:
After basic KIT construction, the unit undergoes six weeks of
onsite ROM programming and burn-in testing. Listed features are
installed during this period. Since MOMCAT uses local suppliers,
there may be a variation between individual units. Some of the
units may not meet general standards. MOMCAT's quality assurance
may reject inferior units. Users may sometimes salvage rejected
units. Beware of Far East clones. These may violate more...

A farmer from the wheat fields of Washington state dies and goes to Hell. While down there the Devil notices that the farmer is
not suffering like the rest. He checks the gauge and sees that it's 95 degrees and about 80% humidity. So he goes over to the
farmer and ask why he's so happy. The farmer says, "The temperature is just like plowing my fields in June."
The devil isn't happy with the farmer's answer and decides to "get" him, so he goes over to his controls and turns up the
temperature to 105 degrees and the humidity to 90%. Afterwards he goes looking for the farmer. . . He finds him standing
around just as happy as can be. The Devil asks the farmer, again, why he's so happy. The farmer replies, "This is even better,
it's like pulling weeds in the fields during July."
The Devil, now upset, decides to really make the farmer suffer. He goes over to the controls and turns the heat up to 115
degrees and the more...

A big-shot businessman had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees.
None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."
After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.
"No, I'm sorry," the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I cannot use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his rear end.
After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"
She left the door to his room open on her way out. He cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door laughing. more...

Bobby's death
One day a mortician after performing an autopsy suddenly observed that the dead man had a massive organ. He promptly cut it and put it in the brief case so that he can show it to his wife.
After going home he kept the briefcase on the table and told the wife that he brought something of interest to show her and opened the brief.
"Oh my God is bobby dead" screamed the wife and fainted.
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African Thermometer
Theree guys one American, british and a nigerian were going on an expedition in the Aamzon river.
The American dipped his thing in the water and told the others the temperature of the water is 40 degrees. The British guy did the same thing and said the temperature was 50 degrees. The Nigerian dipped his prick and said " I know nothing about the temperature but the water is one foot deep.
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