Ten Jokes / Recent Jokes
Young Judy, the editor of a trivia publication, was having trouble with her computer. So she called Prem, the computer guy, over to her desk. Prem clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, Judy called after him, "So, what was wrong?" And he replied, "It was an ID ten T error." A puzzled expression ran riot over Judy's face. "An ID ten T error? What's that. .. in case I need to fix it again??" He gave her a grin...; -) "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?" "No," replied Judy. "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out." (She wrote...) I D 1 0 T
An American tourist travelling in Limerick came across a little antique shop in which he was lucky enough to pick up, for a mere $150, the skull of Saint Patrick. Included in the price was a certificate of the skull's authenticity, signed by Saint Patrick himself. Ten years later the tourist returned to Ireland and asked the antique shop owner if he had any more bargains. "I've got the very thing for you," said the Irishman. "It's the genuine skull of Saint Patrick". "You swindler!" shouted the American. "You sold me that ten years ago," and, producing the skull, added, "Look, they're not even the same size!" "You have it all wrong," said the Irishman. "This is the skull of Saint Patrick when he was a lad."
A REGULAR consumer, who used to buy eggs from a particular shop, always complained about the size of the eggs.
One day, out of frustration, he asked the shopkeeper,' Why can't you take ten paise more for each egg and give me bigger ones?'
Prompt came the reply,' Look, Sir, I can't play with the hen's ass for your ten paise.'
One day this fellow noticed that a new couple had movedinto the house next door. He was also quick to noticethat the woman liked to sunbathe in the back yard, usuallyin a skimpy bikini that showed off a magnificent pair ofbreasts. He made it a point to water and trim his lawn as muchas possible, hoping for yet another look. Finally, he couldstand it no more. Walking to the front door of the new neighbor'shouse, he knocked and waited. The husband, a large, burly man, opened the door." Excuse me", our man stammered, "but I couldn't help noticing howbeautiful your wife is." "Yeah? So?" his hulking neighbor replied." Well, in particular, I am really struck by how beautiful her breastsare. I would gladly pay you ten thousand dollars if I could kiss thosebreasts." The burly gorilla is about to deck our poor guy when his wife appearsand stops him. She pulls him inside and they discuss the offer for afew moments. Finally, they return and ask our friend more...
An 85-year-old couple, after being married for almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to her interest in health food and exercising. When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and a Jacuzzi. As they looked around, the old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost.
''It's free,'' St. Peter replied,' 'this is Heaven.'' Next, they went out in the back yard to survey the championship-style golf course that the home was located. They would have golfing privileges every day and each week, the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked,' 'What are the green fees?''
St. Peter replied,' 'This is heaven, you play for free.'' Next, they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the World laid out.' 'How much to eat?'' asked more...
A man goes into a bar with a dog and sits down at the counter and places the dog on the next stool. "Let me have a beer" says the man, and the dog says "I'll have one too!" The bartender laughs and says "what are you a ventriloquist or something?" The man says "No, he is a talking dog," and the dog says "that's right, where's my beer?" Well the bartender gives them a beer and after talking to them for a while he realizes this is for real. Finally, being out of cigarettes he asks the owner if his dog can get him some butts down the street. The owner says he never has, but I'm sure he can. So the bartender gives the dog ten dollars for a carton of cigarettes and sends the dog on its way. Half an hour later when the dog doesn't return the two men get worried and go out looking for the dog. Finally, they pass an alley and there's his dog screwing another dog. The owner says to his dog, "I don't understand, you never did this more...
It was little Johnny's first day in a new school, so his father looked up the teacher. He told her that little Johnny was a good kid but that he was an avid gambler. He warned her that little Johnny might win lunch money from the other kids if he was not watched closely. The teacher did not seem disturbed, assured the father that she had handled many such problems and was very capable of taking care of little Johnny's urge to gamble. Shortly after lunch, the father called the teacher and asked her how things were going. "Oh, everything is going very well," she said. "I think I may have cured little Johnny of his gambling habit." The father asked her what had happened. "The little tyke absolutely insisted on betting me ten dollars that I had a mole on my rear," she said. "I finally agreed to the bet and took him to the teacher's lounge to show him that I had no mole, and took his ten dollars." "Damn!" the father said. "He bet me more...