Testing Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man goes to the doctor and complains that his wife can't hear him.
"How bad is it?" the doctor asks.
"I have no idea," the husband says.
"Well, please test her. Stand 20 feet away from her and say something. If she doesn't hear you, get closer and say the same thing. Keep moving closer and closer and repeating the comment until she does hear you. That way we'll have an idea of her range of hearing loss."
So the man goes home and sees his wife in the kitchen chopping up vegetables for dinner. From 20 feet away: "What are we having for dinner?"
No answer. From 10 feet: Same thing. From 5 feet: Same thing. Finally, he's standing right behind her: "What's for dinner?"
She turns around, looks at him and says:"For the FOURTH time, BEEF STEW!"
The Life Cycle of Software
Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren`t really bugs. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn`t work and discovers 15 new bugs. See 3. See 4. See 5. See 6. See 7. See 8. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely pre-mature product announcement based on over-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released. Users find 137 new bugs. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires programmer more...
SEVEN SOFTWARE COMPANIES ADDED TO "WATCH LIST"
New York, NJ, Nov. 11 -- People for the Ethical Treatment of Software (PETS) announced today that seven more software companies have been added to the group`s "watch list" of companies that regularly practice software testing.
"There is no need for software to be mistreated in this way so that companies like these can market new products," said Ken Granola, spokesperson for PETS. "Alternative methods of testing these products are available."
According to PETS, these companies force software to undergo lengthly and arduous tests, often without rest for hours or days at a time. Employees are assigned to "break" the software by any means necessary, and inside sources report that they often joke about "torturing" the software.
"It`s no joke," said Granola. "Innocent programs, from the day they are compiled, are cooped up in more...
A few months ago, there was an opening with theCIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for theposition. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.
The day came for the final test to see which peson would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took oneof the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you willfollow our instructions whatever the circumstances," they explained. "Insidethis room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and killher." The man looked horrified and said, "You can't beserious! I could never shoot my wife!" "Well," said theCIA man, "you're definitely more...
The Life Cycle of SoftwareProgrammer produces code he believes is bug-free. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs. See 3. See 4. See 5. See 6. See 7. See 8. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely pre-mature product announcement based on over-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released. Users find 137 new bugs. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires programmer to redo more...
When I went to college in the 1980's, I heard a lot of words like' 'data and' 'beta version.'' They confused me. I wanted desperately to know what people were talking about, what Big Secret resided in the computer industry.
Now that I've worked in a computer company for the last few years, I've gained an insider's perspective. I decided to share my knowledge with the uninitiated by creating the following brief, handy glossary:
Alpha. Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for' 'doesn't work.''
Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for' 'still doesn't work.''
Computer. Instrument of torture. The first computer was invented by Roger' 'Duffy'' Billingsly, a British scientist. In a plot to overthrow Adolf Hitler, Duffy disguised himself as a German ally and offered his invention as a gift to the surly dictator. The plot worked. On April 8, 1945, Adolf more...
A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin.
These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.
The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow our instructions whatever the circumstances," they explained.
"Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."
The man looked horrified and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my wife!" "Well," said the CIA man, "you're definitely not more...